The most authoritative expert on the psychology of relationships, Sherry Argov, who is sometimes called “America's main bitch,” writes in her book “The Bitch Gets Married”: never start a conversation with a man with the words “Honey, we need to talk!”

After such words, the man will rush away as fast as if he had heard a tsunami warning.

• Warning: A hurricane of feelings is expected.
• Perspective: This is not too good. Forecast for today: Tears, upsets and an inexplicable headache that arose in the bedroom.

Any psychology specialist knows one simple trick. If you do not want to offend your interlocutor in a conflict situation, start each sentence with the words: “It seems to me...”. Never use the words "you". It will be much easier for a man to press the right button on a man’s remote control if you exclude “feelings” from the conversation and start talking about what you think. When you're in Rome, talk like the Romans.

from the editor: If now you do not have time to read the entire article, you can save it on your VK wall. pressing the button

Romeo would start the conversation like this:
"I think..."
“In my estimation...”
"I think..."
“I imagine the situation this way...”
"Objectively speaking..."

To attract and keep a man's attention, you need to use unemotional words. No man is ready for such a reception. I will list for you seven words that men like to use, alternating them in no particular order. I will also give you an explanation of the meaning men put into these words.

A short course in male speech

LOGICAL

A man uses this word when talking about you to his buddies over a beer: “She has absolutely no control over herself. She’s lucky that I’m a logical person.”

REASONABLE

This is another one loved by men little word. Men consider women to be unreasonable creatures because they buy shoes and expensive handbags just to impress other women. Men are always exceptionally reasonable. For example, a man considers it “reasonable” to buy a Harley Davidson for $40,000 only to later experience the fabulous effects of internal bleeding (and permanent hearing loss). It makes even more sense to buy a $20,000 Harley leather outfit so you can look stylish in the waiting room of your local hospital.

PRACTICAL

Men think that decorative pillows on the sofa and matching towels in the bedroom are completely “impractical.” Curtains are impractical. A man finds it practical to hang a Mexican rag, which he brought from Tijuana, instead of a curtain, and then claim that it creates a “mood.” But in the end, it's better than threadbare carpet covered in dog hair.

STRATEGIC

Men love this mysterious word. “Since we both work, I think it would be strategic to hire a housekeeper.” The word “strategic” makes a man in his own eyes a big businessman, a kind of “president” of the house. Moreover, it brings back sweet memories of his childhood and tin soldiers.

ANALYTICAL

This word refers to the ability that only men have to “analyze” why women are so emotional.

REASONABLE

His point of view.

IMPRUDENT

Your point of view.

Our course on men's speech is over, but before you put the book aside, do a little homework. Instead of your catchphrase: “We need to talk about my feelings,” cast a magic spell: “Let’s analyze the situation rationally and logically.” And now the treasured control panel is already in your hands, and you can press any buttons.

What happens after the magic spell? The man will turn and look at you. He will be amazed and confused. He still considered you genetically a woman. But now enlightenment came to him. Your phrase will not only impress him, but will also show that you know what you are talking about. What do you think of the expression on his face?

After all, the British know a lot about technology. We always dreamed of the possibility remote control people and animals, and now they have received a set of special remote controls. True, the British are not Japanese, and the technical side is still somewhat disappointing (probably, the necessary microcircuits were not found), but there are also positive aspects: the remote controls do not require batteries and work on positive thinking. The principle of operation is simple: point the remote control at the object of influence, press the corresponding button and hope for the best.

1. Woman control panel

A dream come true! Now women will not be able to be capricious, annoying and create scandals with breaking dishes. Using the remote control, you can demand food, beer or sex from a woman, and also force her not to whine, moan, or nag the man.

Special buttons are used to give orders “Forget”, “Forgive”, “Continue”. The remote control is also responsible for turning on the cooking and cleaning functions. And, of course, where would we be without the “Remove Clothes” button!

The extremely important “Hurry up” and “Calm down” buttons are highlighted separately.

Finally, the highlight of the device is a pair of buttons for adjusting breast size.

2. Man's remote control

Target audience of this device? Women, of course. Who else will need to manage male representatives? The devilish machine provides the weaker sex with many opportunities: a man can now be forced to talk about feelings, shopping, new shoes, stop making unpleasant sounds like snoring, give flowers and chocolate, give a massage, tell the truth, confess his love, and even - oh, horror! - listen to what the woman says.

Additional options include the ability to take hints, multitasking, and even orgasm control.

3. Boss control panel

Bosses can sometimes be overly intrusive, and also completely uncontrollable. But now the problem can be solved.

The main button of the remote control is to turn off the sound. I think there is no need to explain why.

In addition, you can command the boss not to pay attention to the employee’s lateness, hangover and mistakes, and also buy coffee, donuts and some food for the office.

Undoubtedly useful functions are “Listen”, “Calm down”, “Extend work deadlines”, “End meeting”, “Work”, “Make a decision”. The buttons “Admit your mistake”, “Pay a bonus”, “Promotion” and a couple of buttons for adjusting the amount of assigned work provide absolutely fantastic opportunities.

The new remote control will help make office work truly enjoyable.

4. Child control panel

Children are even more unreasonable and uncontrollable creatures than office bosses. But they also have control. Reasonable parents can now stop any manifestations of children's discontent such as whims, screams and whimpers, and also not allow their beloved child to kill his body with smoking, tattoos and piercings. A child can become just a dream - because now he will have to keep the room clean, remember to say “thank you” and “please”, do his homework on time, eat vegetables and wash the dishes.

5. Dog remote control

Dog owners know very well how many problems can arise with a four-legged pet. And it’s not that the dog is doing harm on purpose, but how can you explain to him that he shouldn’t drool on the carpet and howl in the middle of the night? Or, let’s say that you don’t have to chase cats, cars and the postman? Very simple. Take the remote control and everything is in your hands.

In the same way, you can simply control your dog while walking or leaving it at home (there is a special “Guard the house” button for this).

The familiar two-button “+/-” combination is used to adjust tail wagging.

6. Cat remote control

If dog owners think that talking to a dog is difficult, they are mistaken. It's hard to explain to a cat. Proud and independent, she may perfectly understand what they want from her, but this does not mean at all that she is going to fulfill at least some of what is required. Or rather, I wasn’t going to - until a special remote control appeared.

As usual, you can drive a cat off a chair, bed or shelf, and also prevent it from scratching, hissing and throwing itself at a caring owner. The set includes such basic cat functions as landing on four paws, arching the back, using the litter box, various expressions of affection for the owner, and for dessert - buttons for adjusting the Magic Cat Purr.

Text: Sherry Argov, excerpt from the book “The Bitch Gets Married”

One of the most popular relationship experts, who has won the unofficial status of “America's main bitch,” Sherry Argov warns that the most important thing is not to start a conversation with the phrase: “Honey, we need to talk!”

After such words, the man will rush away as fast as if he had heard a tsunami warning.

Warning: A hurricane of feelings is expected.
Perspective: This is not too good. Forecast for today: Tears, upsets and an inexplicable headache that arose in the bedroom.

Any psychology specialist knows one simple trick. If you do not want to offend your interlocutor in a conflict situation, begin each sentence with the words: “It seems to me...” Never use the words “you.” It will be much easier for a man to press the right button on a man’s remote control if you exclude “feelings” from the conversation and start talking about what you think. When you're in Rome, talk like the Romans. Romeo would start the conversation like this:

"I think..."
“In my estimation...”
"I think..."
“I imagine the situation this way...”
"Objectively speaking..."

To attract and keep a man's attention, you need to use unemotional words. No man is ready for such a reception. I will list for you seven words that men like to use, alternating them in no particular order. I will also give you an explanation of the meaning men put into these words.

A short course in male speech

LOGICAL

A man uses this word when talking about you to his buddies over a beer: “She has absolutely no control over herself. She’s lucky that I’m a logical person.”

REASONABLE

This is another word so beloved by men. Men consider women to be unreasonable creatures because they buy shoes and expensive handbags just to impress other women. Men are always exceptionally reasonable. For example, a man considers it “reasonable” to buy a Harley Davidson for $40,000 only to later experience the fabulous effects of internal bleeding (and permanent hearing loss). It makes even more sense to buy a $20,000 Harley leather outfit so you can look stylish in the waiting room of your local hospital.

PRACTICAL

Men think that decorative pillows on the sofa and matching towels in the bedroom are completely “impractical.” Curtains are impractical. A man finds it practical to hang a Mexican rag, which he brought from Tijuana, instead of a curtain, and then claim that it creates a “mood.” But in the end, it's better than threadbare carpet covered in dog hair.

STRATEGIC

Men love this mysterious word. “Since we both work, I think it would be strategic to hire a housekeeper.” The word “strategic” makes a man in his own eyes a big businessman, a kind of “president” of the house. Plus, it brings back sweet memories of his childhood and the toy soldiers.

ANALYTICAL

This word refers to the ability that only men have to “analyze” why women are so emotional.

REASONABLE

His point of view.

IMPRUDENT

Your point of view.

Our course on men's speech is over, but before you put the book aside, do a little homework. Instead of your catchphrase: “We need to talk about my feelings,” cast a magic spell: “Let’s analyze the situation rationally and logically.” And now the treasured control panel is already in your hands, and you can press any buttons.

What happens after the magic spell? The man will turn and look at you. He will be amazed and confused. He still considered you genetically a woman. But now enlightenment came to him. Your phrase will not only impress him, but will also show that you know what you are talking about. What do you think of the expression on his face?