It is always extremely difficult to cope with a sudden loss. loved one, and how to survive the death of loved ones - husband or wife, father or mother, son? And it is not for nothing that the word “survive” (to live) is used in this context.

Surviving such a difficult case and trying to move on after the end of the life of loved ones is the main priority that a widow should have.

After time, the state of passion and destruction of the soul and life will certainly pass; almost every person is able to survive the loss and join society again.

After the death of her husband, women, in most cases, experience three specific emotional states:

· Guilt. IN in this case, as mentioned above, the woman begins to ask questions like: “Why couldn’t I prevent this?” or “Did any of my actions cause death?”

This stage is quite natural for any person who has experienced a loss. The most important thing is not to get stuck on it.

· Increased aggression towards other people. At this stage, women begin to wonder: “Why are others doing well, but I am unhappy?”

The most important thing in this situation is to lose loved one did not serve as the beginning of any other problems and disagreements with other close people, because whatever you say, they will be less worried about the death of their husband. In this case, you can contact a psychologist who will help remove causeless aggression.

· Self-aggression. Such aggression is expressed primarily by thoughts of suicide. In this case, if the plans are really close to being implemented, you should definitely seek help from close people or a specialist.

How to cope with the death of your husband

However, the root of each of these mental states is the same - the emotions that necessarily arise after loss. During this period, you need to try to overcome the emotions that arise in yourself - after all, they will not make anyone feel better, and especially you.

No less important will be the presence of close people next to you after the incident, who can understand and support you, so that you do not have questions - how to survive the death of your husband? Relatives and friends will always be able to possible ways help in overcoming loss. They will experience it with you.

After all, everything always becomes easier together – both work and worries. To survive the death of your husband, you should not isolate yourself from the outside world and society; it can help you, even if you think that this is, in principle, impossible at this stage of life.

The return of the subconscious to the topic of loss, in fantasies or dreams, will be the result of something that you have not been able to work through this topic and the theme of the tragedy that occurred. Switching to other thoughts and criticism of oneself is the use of a mechanism for displacing unpleasant and unwanted experiences from one’s consciousness. And if experiences remain in your consciousness for a long time, then it is quite possible that they will create psychological trauma for the rest of my life.

How to cope with the death of your son

A person who has had to endure the death of his only child is often left alone with this grief. Naturally, those around him will stand next to him and help him, but people will ignore conversations about death.

In the old days, when medicine was not so developed, similar grief often happened in families. Therefore, people developed a pragmatic alignment and assigned further stages of the tragedy experienced by the relatives of the deceased. You should know the stages of grief in order to control your state of mind. This will help you understand in time whether you are stuck in one of them, so that in such a situation you can call on specialists for help.

Stage 1 – shock and numbness, in which you do not believe in the loss and cannot accept it. At this stage, people manifest themselves in a variety of ways, some freeze with grief, others try to lose themselves in the work of organizing the funeral and calming down other family members.

“Depersonalization” occurs when a person does not quite understand who he is, where he is and why he is present. Soothing tinctures and massage will help here. To cope with the death of your son, do not be alone, cry if you can. This stage lasts for 9 days.

Then, up to forty days, the stage of denial can last, during which you already understand your loss, although your understanding will not yet be able to come to terms with what happened. Often during this period people hear the voice and steps of the deceased. If you start dreaming about him, then talk to him in a dream, demand that he come to you.

Talk about the deceased with relatives and friends, remember him. During this period, it is normal to cry frequently, but it cannot continue around the clock. If the blocking and numbing stage still continues, you need to consult a specialist.

Some relief from pain will occur within a year after death, although a new surge is usually expected every year. If you already know how to manage your own grief, then your feelings will not become intensified to the same significant extent as on the day of the tragedy.

If you have survived all these stages well, then by the end of 2 years the “grieving” process ends. This does not mean that you will forget about the grief you experienced, although by this time you will have learned to live in absence and remember it brightly, your despondency will no longer always be accompanied by tears.

You will have other plans, new goals and incentives for life. We hope that our advice helped you answer the question: “How to survive the death of your only son.”

How to cope with the death of your parents

The way the world works is that nothing is eternal. All people are mortal, every second someone on the planet dies. You cannot escape from death; sooner or later it will overtake everyone. Therefore, we need to learn to accept the fact that sometimes people close to us leave us.

Of course, this is very difficult. After all, life changes forever. And nothing will be the same as before. But life goes on, you live. ... Of course, at first it is very difficult to understand.

It is especially difficult for a child to come to terms with the death of his parents, who still does not really understand why mom or dad will never come again. But this is a separate topic. It is a little easier for an adult to cope with this.

When parents die, it feels like the whole world has collapsed. It’s one thing when people die at the age of 80 – that’s understandable; you’ve known for years that this could happen any day. But when they die from an illness, in a car accident at 45, it’s hard to understand.

Gather all your strength

Be sure to get ready. It is impossible to give the correct answer to the question of why this happened, and how to survive the death of your parents and quickly begin an ordinary life. Everything is not as simple as it seems.

You will have to get used to a new life without your parents. It is better if there is someone with you who can support you in difficult times - a loved one, children, close friends.

Don't be afraid of emotions

You may be overwhelmed with emotions, or vice versa, you may feel only emptiness. These reactions are quite natural. If you want to cry, cry. Don't keep the pain to yourself. As a last resort, keep a diary and express all your experiences to it.

Do your usual things

It is clear that you will feel like you have no strength left for anything. But this does not mean that you need to forget about the children, stop cooking, washing, cleaning, or going to work.

If you do something, you will quickly get used to the idea that your parents are no longer there. You will be at least a little distracted from the tragedy, which is very important.

As you already understand, the question “how to survive the death of your parents” does not have a clear answer. It all depends on your degree of attitude, age, cause of death - after all, an unjust death is always more difficult to bear than a natural one, due to old age.

But the main thing is to remember that life goes on, that everyone passes away someday, and this does not mean that the world loses its meaning. You will never forget your parents - they live in your heart, in your memory.

Habitual family life can collapse at one moment when a wife or husband dies unexpectedly. A man who has experienced the death of his wife is deafened by such grief, but does not break. It's not so simple with women. It is especially difficult for a young wife who has lost her husband.

The female psyche is much more subtle than the male, and the power of emotions is many times more powerful. Even when the relationship between husband and wife is not very good, the loss of a spouse is often a huge stress for a woman. What then can we say about the grief of the one who loved her husband with all her heart? How to survive the death of your husband, cope with the pain and find the strength to live on?

From our article you will learn:

1. About the stages of grief that almost every widow goes through.
2. What you need to be prepared for.
3. How to help your mother survive death.
4. How to help a friend who has lost her husband.
5. How to distract a widow from thoughts of death.
6. About the scientific and religious approach.
7. About the “Writing” method.
8. What to do with an engagement ring.

All this will help you understand how to provide the right support to a desperate woman. How to help her get over the loss so that it doesn’t ruin the rest of her life.

Tragic news: what can you face?

There are several stages that a wife who has lost her husband will have to go through. As a rule, they follow one after another, but exceptions are possible. So this is:

• acute experience;
• refusal to believe what happened;
• unmotivated aggression;
• devastation, depression.

After hearing the terrible news, the woman experiences extreme stress. Especially if the husband was young. Often she seems to lose orientation in space and time: she doesn’t hear what they say to her, she looks and doesn’t see, she doesn’t react to touch. Then it’s as if a protective valve in her heart is torn off and everything inside is filled with unbearable mental pain. This is a psychological blow of enormous power that cannot be resisted.

Protecting itself from stress, the psyche refuses to believe what happened. That is why the wives of the deceased often do not want to admit this fact. A woman may say that this is not true, that she is being deceived for some unknown reason, that this is a stupid joke, etc.

After his death, mental anguish leads the widow to think that someone is to blame for this. And she begins to look for this “someone”. Then the stage of denial turns into the stage of aggression. Sometimes very quickly, and sometimes with a long delay. A widow's aggression can be directed both at others and at herself.

When a woman decides that she is to blame and does not know how to cope with grief, she begins to punish herself different ways. This:

• Constant mental accusations and self-flagellation about not being enough good attitude to the deceased spouse.
• Attacks of mental pain for something I couldn’t prevent or protect (even if no one could).
• Scrolling through my head of everything I didn’t have time to say or do for my husband.

Here is an approximate list of “punishments” to which a woman voluntarily condemns herself. She may also forbid herself to eat and drink, and begin to cause pain. For example, forcefully rubbing the body with a hard washcloth, literally tearing out hair while combing, or deliberately carelessly handling cutting objects or fire in the hope of injuring oneself.

In such a situation, it is good if friends and family are nearby. If such grief has happened to your loved one, a psychologist’s advice will help on how to help a friend survive the death of her husband.

Aggression directed outward is especially difficult for others. The widow begins to hate everyone who looks happy. Cheerful spouses especially irritate her: she is unable to forgive them for this.

Her children and even grandchildren may end up in the “enemy camp.” Such a mother may try to quarrel between her daughter and her son-in-law or her son and her daughter-in-law. She may not make contact with her family because of their insufficient (in her opinion) grief. He starts yelling at his grandchildren and punishing them for the slightest offense. In a fit of hatred for the entire world around her, she can even curse other people.

Then comes apathy, often followed by depression. A woman ceases to be interested in everything that is not directly related to her deceased husband. After his death, she practically does not leave the house, does not talk on the phone with her friends and does not invite anyone to her place. She withdraws into herself and her home, leading a solitary life: she simply does not want to live without her husband. She is only attracted to films, programs and series where there is drama and tears, the same goes for books.

Such deep grief brings enormous harm to the body. Constant stress is draining nervous system and leads to the development of various diseases. Or the woman gradually “fades away.” In each of these cases, the consequences are the saddest: the widow can literally die of grief.

The people closest to you are in trouble: what to do?

As a rule, it is the mother and the best friend - two in a special way dear person in a woman's life. If by chance one of them became a widow, we must try to do everything to ease their fate.

How can I help my mother survive death?

First of all, provide her with constant (perhaps even around the clock) moral support for some time. Someone should be with mom at all times. Moreover, it’s not worth talking to her constantly to distract her from sad thoughts. She should have the opportunity to be alone with her grief and decide how to start living. But the presence of a daughter or son in the house in itself helps a lot.

It is extremely important to listen to her in moments when, after the death of a loved one, she shares memories of the deceased. This is a kind of psychotherapy that has a beneficial effect on the state of the psyche. If your mother behaves aggressively, you need to treat this with understanding. If her grandchildren irritate her, it is better not to bring them to her for a while. Children don't need any extra stress either. React calmly to your mother’s outbursts of rage, as if you were reacting to a rainstorm or a hurricane.

Although sometimes a stern but kind remark can do a good job, and the woman will come to her senses. But correctness and love are important here. There is no need to invite relatives and friends in order to “dispel maternal loneliness” - this is both inappropriate and will not help.

Good films or TV series with a life-affirming, positive message can bring great benefits. But not frivolous comedies! Any initiative of the mother that distracts her from sad thoughts must be immediately supported with all our might. This will help her quickly accept the situation and learn to live without her husband’s support.

How can I help my friend cope with the death of her husband?

If she is left alone, you should live with her for a while. Of course, with her consent. You need to act on the same principle as with your mother - don’t interfere with conversations, but always be nearby. Don’t be offended by aggression, but try to listen with participation to everything your friend says. Often this is just a way to vent anger and resentment at injustice, and you are just a “catalyst.” After an outburst of anger, the widow may immediately burst into tears, and this is where she needs to be supported and pitied in a friendly way. The advice with films and TV series is also suitable.

When a widow does not want anyone else to be with her after the death of her loved one, you can reassure her over the phone. Short-term visits also have a beneficial effect and give the grieving woman the opportunity to talk out and cry. You can try to persuade your friend to go out into nature: just change the environment and take a walk together in the fresh air. If you see that it helps, keep it up.

It would be great for both the mother and the friend to engage in some kind of constructive activity to cope with the grief of losing a spouse.

Active methods of “rehabilitation”: what can be done?

Creation

Any type of creativity is suitable as therapy for a widow. By creating something with her own hands, a woman learns to distract herself from tragedy and acquires new interests and goals. Help to overcome grief:

1. drawing;
2. modeling from polymer clay;
3. photographing;
4. sport;
5. dancing;
6. vocal lessons;
7. breeding rare plants, aquarium fish, shrimp;
8. beading;
9. embroidery, knitting and other types of needlework.

This is a minimal list of what can captivate a widow and give her a decision on how to live further. The courses are suitable for those who prefer to be surrounded by other people and strive to establish communication. And mastering a new hobby from books or the Internet is for those who are not yet ready for intense communication. Gradually, the “shell” of alienation and grief that closed the woman from the world will open up, and she will fall in love with life again. But it takes time.

Help those in need

Very effective method who helped a huge number women who have lost their husbands - charity. By communicating live with people who have also experienced a huge tragedy or loss, but have not lost their strength of spirit and thirst for life, the widow will be inspired by their example and will gradually stop giving in to despair.

By providing financial, physical or moral assistance to those in need, she will strengthen her own spirit and be able to accept with courage what happened and survive grief. A good way out would be to help lonely people, children without parents or people with serious health problems. This path is not for everyone - it is indeed very difficult, but it is also the most effective. Often he completely changes a woman.

If a widow has managed to find the strength to do something and has achieved some success in this, depression is replaced by humility. The woman finally fully accepts what happened, understands that this is the natural course of things and begins to learn to live without her husband, but this time consciously.

Father or psychologist?

Clergymen help many people cope with trouble. Religion teaches that one cannot mourn the dead for a long time, since their souls suffer greatly from the tears of the living. Moreover, all religions talk about this. Listening to the priest, the woman is imbued with this thought and begins to try to control her feelings.

The belief that a loved one does not die forever and that his soul will remember her can literally resurrect a grief-stricken widow.

She comes to terms with his death and begins to sincerely believe that life does not end there, but simply passes into another form. Regular visits to the temple, holding religious rituals for the repose of the husband’s soul, prayers, reading spiritual literature.

If a widow begins to become depressed, she needs the advice of a psychologist. An experienced specialist knows how to help a person cope with such a loss and will be able to find an approach to a grief-stricken woman. He will tell you how to live further, explain that attacks of despair, tears, emptiness and dull pain in the chest are an inevitability that you have to go through. Uncryed tears are sometimes more dangerous than hours of crying, so grief must not only be experienced, but also lived. The main thing is not to get stuck on sad emotions and learn to live on.

I wanted to, but didn’t have time: a letter to my beloved

The widow's greatest despair is caused by thoughts of what she wanted, but did not have time to tell her husband. Or she said something and then regretted it, but did not apologize. And death immediately after a quarrel is generally a huge stress. How to survive the death of your beloved husband in such situations? A method that psychologists strongly recommend trying is very helpful - writing a letter to the deceased.

In it, a woman must write absolutely everything that she would like to tell her husband if he were alive now. About what place he occupied in her life, how much he meant to her. How grateful she is for his love, for everything she learned from him. Say what you dreamed of and would like to do together. If you feel guilty, you need to ask for forgiveness in writing, using the words you would ask a living person.

The letter must be carefully re-read several times and felt “to the last word.” This method will allow you to “live” the unspoken, ease the soul and live after the death of your spouse. It helps to let go of the past and look to the future. Then the letter is burned, and the ashes are either scattered in the wind or buried in the ground.

What to do with the engagement ring? According to Christian custom, wedding ring wife after her husband's death puts on ring finger left hand. After his death, the church advises the widow to wear her husband’s ring on her middle finger.

If you don't stick church canons, then the ring can be worn around the neck on a chain, or simply stored in a box, like an expensive heirloom. Some widows melt it down, making a more elegant ring - one that fits their finger size and wears it as a memory of a loved one.

By adhering to all the above tips, the woman begins to gradually recover from stress. Helping children, looking after her grandchildren and communicating with other relatives, she is slowly learning to return to the same rhythm and live more and more fully after death. Now it’s her turn to support her loved ones, because they also need her attention, care and participation!

For older women, caring for their grandchildren often becomes the most important thing - in them they regain their meaning in life. And young widows often begin to establish personal life and get married. But at the same time, they carefully keep in their hearts the good, bright memory of their deceased husband, with all their hearts wishing his soul peace and quiet.