Of course, a comic horoscope based on zodiac signs has a right to life. Some people believe that such horoscopes are unreliable, however, by reading short, sparkling characteristics, they recognize themselves and their friends.

It is a cool horoscope based on the zodiac signs that calls things by their proper names. If you have a sense of humor, read it!

Cool horoscope according to the zodiac signs of the element of Fire

The Ram is always right, he knows the price of everything, it’s easier to shoot him than to argue. Impeccably honest. If a suit doesn’t suit you or you’re overweight, he’ll be honest about it. In everyday life he is usually useless, but he generates brilliant ideas to match Sagittarius.

Leo - cool horoscope according to zodiac signs

People are divided into two types - those close to them and everyone else. He is an egoist, but he is forgiven for his holy belief in his own impeccability. The best in everything! He makes it clear to his marriage partner that it came to him along with the status of the lion's chosen one. Unarmed in the face of flattery, with the help of which one can twist ropes out of the Leo zodiac sign.

Sagittarius - a comic horoscope for the zodiac sign

Sagittarius readily expresses his opinions even when he is advised to hold his tongue. But the mouth of the Sagittarius zodiac sign does not close, because his personal opinion should become the truth for everyone. A lucky sign in life! Sagittarius has a lot of friends who, if something happens, will not let him disappear.

Comic horoscope according to the zodiac signs of the Earth element

More stubborn than Aries, just stubborn, but not an innovator, boring and greedy. It doesn't have this charming sheepish indifference and... The zodiac sign Taurus is an unsurpassed slow-witted person. Lustful. Constant in affections. Distrustful and wary of new people, but will stand up for old friends.

Virgo - comic horoscope by zodiac sign

According to statistics, most psychopathic maniacs are born under the Virgo zodiac sign. These heartless monsters poison the life of everyone who finds themselves in the same territory with their pedantry and love of law and order. But in everyday life, Virgo is useful like no other.

Capricorn - a cool horoscope about zodiac signs

Happiness can only be achieved in one way - by breaking in like hell. The meaning of his life is in work. At first he seems meek, but at the first opportunity he will give you a noticeable poke. He receives the greatest pleasure if he manages to do this with Leo, whom he cannot stand for his arrogance. Leo responds to him in the same way, cannot stand this dirty trick, and if at the moment of the poke Leo is not in the mood, the zodiac sign Capricorn must immediately run away, otherwise things will end badly.

Comic horoscope according to the zodiac signs of the air element

Twins

No one realizes how difficult it is for the Gemini zodiac sign to survive in this huge world of possibilities! Choice is Gemini's obsessive nightmare. They always feel like life is passing them by, even if they get caught up in events.

Libra - cool horoscope according to zodiac signs

Libras consider themselves aesthetes, are unreliable, have seven Fridays a week, and are yearning, which is unattainable in principle for the Libra zodiac sign, because they are in constant dissonance between reality and what they want. They are indecisive, and therefore suffer from nervous ailments.

Aquarius - a comic horoscope for the zodiac sign

Looks like it fell from an oak tree. Oddly enough, many people like this. Even if in the life of the Aquarius zodiac sign everything goes wrong, he manages to give advice that works! Potential criminal. There is no Aquarius without a criminal past; he breaks the law with pleasure and, unlike Gemini, he understands perfectly well what he is doing.

Cool horoscope for the zodiac signs of Water

There is no sign more suspicious than Cancer! Constantly imagines the end of the world, is afraid of his own shadow, falls into hysterics and seeks consolation from Virgo. Disgust. He bores those around him with conversations about his illnesses, which is why everyone except Taurus runs away in horror. Has a penchant for philosophy and alcoholism. The first, as well as the second, is contraindicated for the Cancer zodiac sign.

Cool horoscopes according to their zodiac signs they seem funny only at first glance. In fact, they are remembered much more clearly - after all, the joke itself “sinks” into memory. You can amuse your friends with a witty response in an unexpected situation. Or you can take a closer look at yourself and your loved ones - to once again make sure that astrology is truly a truthful and accurate science.

And with the help of cool horoscopes it will be easy for you to study astrology and delve into its basics. And you don’t need to memorize anything or get it into your head on purpose. Just read funny horoscopes and compare them with the behavior of your friends. Very soon everything will fall into place in your head, and you will always know what to expect from others and what they expect from you. By the way, this is called “insight.” And all thanks to the fact that you just love reading funny horoscopes!

Start with simple example. Find out, which horoscopes do they prefer? different signs Zodiac- and check yourself and your friends.

Aries most often looking for obscene horoscope. So what? What else to have fun with friends over a bottle of beer. It especially bothers him when he is not reviled too much, but everyone else is reviled in full.

Taurus treats horoscopes without much trust and never allows them to influence his life. But financial and money horoscope sometimes he still reads. But only to once again be convinced that he was right.

Twins absorb all the horoscopes that come across their turbulent life path. They forget them in exactly a minute - for this reason they don’t believe in them.

Cancers, having read something offensive or unpleasant to themselves, they may become offended by all horoscopes in general. They prefer neutral horoscopes: floral, fashion, horoscopes of pets and peoples of the world.

a lion accepts only those horoscopes that glorify him. If you read aloud to him, just skip the “inconvenient” parts, and his favorable attitude is guaranteed.

Virgo Actually, he doesn’t believe in horoscopes, but he will read the medical horoscope very carefully. If the recommendations are reasonable, then Virgo will put them into practice, and if they seem nonsense to her, then she will discard them with indignation.

Scales love love and romantic horoscopes. But most of all they like horoscopes of compatibility between zodiac signs. After reading them, they are no longer able to choose a partner for themselves - it becomes impossible to make a decision due to large quantity factors.

Scorpios First of all, they look at sexual and erotic horoscopes. They read them quite carefully, memorizing everything well. They will then definitely try the information received on their partners.

Sagittarius They love funny horoscopes, with good humor or unusual comparisons. However, horoscopes do not stay in their heads for long. And they often understand them in their own way - to their advantage.

Capricorn reads horoscopes in order to criticize them. He will look for all the inconsistencies and enjoy it. In the end, he will prove to himself and everyone that all this is complete nonsense, and one must only be guided by common sense.

Aquarius reads horoscopes from time to time and selectively remembers them. He especially appreciates humorous horoscopes with caustic jokes. He then likes to quote them at the most inappropriate—from your point of view—moments.

Fish They believe in everything - in omens, in signs and, of course, in horoscopes. They stick to what they write so fanatically that they implement everything they read. Naturally, for them the horoscopes are one hundred percent correct.

copying is prohibited

Comic horoscopes lift your spirits, but they also contain some truth. Find out which life principles characteristic of your Zodiac Sign. Among the funny offers you can find useful information and change for the better.

Horoscopes, no matter how humorous they are, are based on the observations of astrologers. It is known that planets and constellations influence the character and behavior of people, which means that the jokes are not so far from the truth. The site team compiled the site for you funny horoscope, in which the characteristics of each Zodiac Sign fit into short and succinct expressions. We hope that they will help you not only lift your spirits, but also get rid of your weaknesses.

Aries

Aries can characterize themselves. Capacious phrases fully reflect their contradictory and purposeful essence.

1. There's no use arguing with me. You can't convince me.
2. I will do it first, and then I will think.
3. I don’t slow down where everyone else is slowing down.
4. I will remain young forever, because becoming an adult is boring.
5. You can do the same thing as me. You won't be able to do better anyway.
6. Please speak faster. I don't have the patience to listen to you.
7. My stubbornness is not a vice, it was simply born before me.
8. It is much easier to control any situation than emotions.
9. I won’t hit you first, but you better not touch me.
10. It’s good to be honest - unnecessary people themselves stop communicating with me.

Taurus

If Taurus could describe themselves in a humorous way, they could use the following phrases.

1. I never waste money on buying things, but I always spend money on entertainment.
2. I don’t need someone else’s, and don’t you dare touch what’s mine.
3. It's better to be bad friends than to have good quarrels.
4. It is better to stay in the familiar comfort of four walls than to admire the colors of nature.
5. Food is a wonderful invention of mankind.
6. It's better to go second to save energy.
7. Taste delicious dishes and wine is my passion.
8. Be affectionate and then you can achieve more than others.
9. There is no need to pull someone who is well settled.
10. Disposable things were invented for disposable people.

Twins

Ten succinct phrases that reveal their character and behavior will suit restless Geminis.

1. Today I am again different from who I was yesterday.
2. Being in control of the situation is useful - you get more information.
3. One mind is good, but two are better. Especially if both belong to you.
4. Today I'm here, tomorrow I'm there.
5. Ideas should not gather dust on shelves with old books.
6. If you didn’t make it, it means you’re late. We need to speed up.
7. You need to move quickly through life so as not to get bogged down in “textures.”
8. I rarely answer for my words, but with humor.
9. I don’t have enough time for quality, so I take quantity.
10. There should be more means of communication.

Cancer

Cancers will be able to recognize themselves and their behavior by the following interesting phrases, which in a humorous manner reflect their style of behavior.

1. Life is difficult only where it is impossible to hide in a secluded place.
2. Behind the stone walls of my fortress, I am invulnerable to the cruel world.
3. Supplies need to be replenished so that they never run out.
4. Being a nanny is great. And it doesn’t matter how old your ward is.
5. If you know how to wait, happiness will eventually find you on its own.
6. You need to meet friends at home, and not walk around cafes.
7. An abundance of food in the refrigerator is real happiness.
8. Money should only be spent on quality things.
9. My past is always with me. And it doesn’t bother me at all.
10. Ten years is not a long time for good quality clothes.

a lion

Proud Leos do not always agree with the characteristics that people around them give them. However, in every joke there is some truth that is worth listening to.

1. It is much more pleasant to help people than to find yourself in the role of someone asking for help.
2. Follow me, I know the right path.
3. Good manners are the key to personal success.
4. The sun shines exclusively for Leo.
5. It's nice to earn good money, but it's much nicer to spend it.
6. A dictator sometimes needs to be hidden behind a mask of prudence and benevolence.
7. I don’t understand how you can not admire me.
8. I need more gold, more pathos and more admiring glances.
9. Even if the item is not needed, I should have it. Especially if it is expensive and looks gorgeous.
10. The sign on my office door must be immaculate.

Virgo

Virgos sometimes need to look at themselves from the outside in order to change their attitude towards life. Ten humorous phrases will help you with this.

1. If you work hard, good things will definitely come of it.
2. All things must be in their place.
3. Modesty adorns any Virgo.
4. Logic should be in everything, even in love.
5. Everything should look perfect. No crookedly hanging pictures.
6. You need to live not only for yourself, but also to help others.
7. Large scales are scary - it’s difficult to bring order to them.
8. Beauty will save the world, especially if you create it with your own hands
9. There is no need to throw away old things. They can come in handy at the most unexpected moment.
10. Less difficulties, more routine.

Scales

For Libra, the following statements may be familiar. Perhaps they will help you doubt less and change your behavior for the better.

1. Any task must be done with the appropriate mood.
2. You can win by agreeing.
3. Making a choice is one of the most difficult and tiring tasks.
4. Politeness can move mountains.
5. Beauty should be in everything: in the image, in the home, and in the workplace.
6. Information is needed like air.
7. Laziness is the engine of progress.
8. One of the stupidest things to do is argue. It takes up too much energy.
9. Doubts sometimes help to avoid troubles.
10. Not all i's need to be dotted.

Scorpion

If Scorpios could talk about themselves in succinct short phrases, then the following expressions would suit them.

1. You need a good reason to smile.
2. It’s a pity that sometimes there is no one to “sting”.
3. This world is short of knights.
4. I am like a cactus: flowers open only for a select few.
5. Revenge should be served cold, but only to those who truly deserve it.
6. Even if there is a hurricane inside you, remain calm on the outside.
7. The world needs stations to refuel people with emotions.
8. You need to go through a break, even through a windfall.
9. People are like books: you just have to open them.
10. You need to constantly take risks, otherwise there will be nothing to remember in old age.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians could make a presentation of themselves and their character in the following humorous expressions.

1. Those who have it feel remorse. Mine doesn't bite.
2. There’s no point in panicking ahead of time, I’ll figure it out when the pressure comes.
3. The spirit of competition allows you to be better in everything.
4. Do you want to cheer yourself up? Ask me how.
5. I forgive everyone I owe.
6. Argument is another opportunity to show off your intellect.
7. I am not obligatory, but I am immensely charming.
8. I'm throwing it around for free and professionally.
9. I know how to become a philosopher in five minutes.
10. Commitments save more than one life.

Capricorn

For Capricorns, whom people may not understand, the site’s experts have selected the following funny sayings. We hope that they will help lift your spirits and smile more often.

1. Even one in the field can be a warrior.
2. The laws of meanness work for me.
3. I'm like cognac: I only get better with age.
4. It's good to talk about beautiful places and countries while sitting at home.
5. Financial Advisor. Long, expensive, with a guarantee.
6. You can allow yourself to drop from the top if you have been climbing it all your life.
7. Life is a train that stops at its stations exactly according to the schedule.
8. If necessary, I can become the head of the Universe
9. There is no place for sprints in my life. I am a true marathon runner.
10. You can gore anyone with stubbornness.

Aquarius

Ten sentences characterizing Gemini may seem naive, but for many representatives of this Sign they can be useful.

1. There is no greater boredom than being like others.
2. I come up with ideals myself.
3. Living with prejudices is for fools.
4. Everything will be great in the future.
5. Be an angel? Why not?
6. Sometimes a good intention is enough. It is not necessary to do this.
7. Family is great, but friends are more important.
8. There are no lonely thoughts in my head. They make friends and create chaos.
9. I can be in several places at once because good man there must be a lot.
10. Life should have stops, not quiet havens.

Fish

Pisces, with their world of illusions and reluctance to explain their behavior, can use the following pithy phrases.

1. My profession is to sympathize professionally.
2. There is no need to put off until tomorrow what can be done the day after tomorrow.
3. I can promise. I love it, I can do it, I practice it. But I won’t rush to do it.
4. I understand everyone, but not myself.
5. Don't put pressure on me, otherwise I will disappear.
6. Yes, I am busy, but few can understand.
7. We need more handkerchiefs and vest people.
8. Food needs to be chewed, work needs to be done.
9. Maintaining order in the house - who needs it?
10. The world of illusions and fantasies is beautiful. There is no need to leave him for a long time.

A comic horoscope can reflect your internal state. In any case, you shouldn’t ignore even funny statements about your Sign. Be careful in your actions and desires so that there is no room for disappointment in your life. Attract good luck into your life and be happy. We wish you all the best, and don't forget to press the buttons and

ARIES

21.03 TO 20.04
- Who is our workaholic?
- Who can’t stand it when they are superior in some way?
-Whose gait is similar to running? Who is this?
- This is him, the ever-excited and aggressive Aries!

Aries - Star Ram (or Sheep) - has brilliant positive inclinations and hard work, but he is often irritable, stubborn and hot-tempered. The heat of his passions knows no bounds, and his desire to insist on his own can turn into despotism. He is impulsive and unpredictable.
Aries is an individualist and does not give in easily to the will of others. His own strong will knows no limits, his active mind pushes forward without fear of obstacles. However, Aries is not good at understanding people. Hence his usual disappointment in communicating with people.
Often Aries is an extremely aggressive, angry-stupid type, a warlike and cruel primitive, deeply convinced that happiness should come with burning tears, and goodness with heavy fists.
Mentally retarded, Aries has difficulty remembering simple things since childhood. Thinking, he is already blushing from the effort. He would have screwed up more than once if he had been able to. As a child, Aries dreams of a career as a military man or astronaut and therefore constantly starts fights.
From his youth, Aries is mentally easily excitable, but shows either surprising indifference, reaching the point of apathy, or unexpected outbursts of anger at minor failures. He does not tolerate objections, and reasonable arguments have no effect on him.
When drunk, Aries is prone to scandals.
His vulgar soul, the Ram, is wide open to his drinking companions. Likes beer with salty jokes. True, his jokes are flat and rude, and their main theme is the physiological functions of the body. This humor is characteristic symptom underdevelopment or damage to the frontal lobes of the brain, and it is called “frontal humor” in psychiatry. The conversation of the Ram is like the eloquence of the deaf and dumb. “What, don’t you have hands to talk?” - Aries' favorite saying.
Aries has no artistic flair, no good manners, no ability to behave in society, no concern for his appearance.
In family life, he must be kept away from money - he will spend it all instantly, and he doesn’t know where. Boring in society: he can talk about himself for hours without noticing others.
All his life, Aries-Baran has been busy looking for new (or not so new) gates for himself.
Sheep wives are ambitious and aggressive, but they, constantly nagging their husbands, push them to success, since they have no equal in ambition and enthusiasm.
Ram husbands are irresponsible. It is difficult to tie them to the house. They need companions who would take them with a tight rein.
Aries is a sign of health with a reasonable lifestyle.
Aries should avoid Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces in marriage and friendship. Must look for Libra, Sagittarius, Leo.

CALF

from 21.04 TO 21.05
- Who smiles from ear to ear if they don’t contradict him?
-Who thinks he knows the most?
-Who loves fashionable things?
- Who loves baked, boiled, and fried?
- Oh, it’s him, the stubborn and carnivorous Taurus!

A healthy and mercantile boor, Taurus achieves his goal through perseverance and patience. Doesn't give up on things he has planned. Rarely listens to advice and can suddenly act ahead. He is more guided by feelings than by reason.
In anger, he is like an angry bull, and his anger is long: he does not forget or forgive insults. As a child, Taurus loved to torture animals.
The main shortcomings of Taurus: boredom, lack of imagination, stinginess, pessimistic view of things, stubbornness, cruelty to oneself and others, callousness. Taurus is conservative in his views.
Petty and boring, Taurus is a suck-up and informer. In life, he keeps his nose to the wind and follows all the instructions of his superiors.
The Taurus man likes to pose as an altruist, and the woman as a martyr. At the same time, Taurus, an actor by nature, actually despises everyone, considering himself deep down to be the center of the universe.
Taurus loves wealth, but hoards secretly, although tirelessly. He, the “wretched wretch” (A.N. Ryzhov), is ready to take off the last shirt from his neighbor.
In general, the Sign of Taurus (Golden Taurus!) is the sign of a banker, and Taurus should remember this.
Most Taurus people love to smoke (more than other Zodiac Signs), and they have difficulty quitting smoking. But because of his stinginess, Taurus can smoke all sorts of rubbish - from self-sweet beer to cheap weed.
In company, Taurus can prove himself to be a pleasant conversationalist, amiable, dexterous, agile, but sometimes he becomes burdensome due to a lack of tact, due to his flaunting of rudeness, undisguised selfishness and excessive chatter.
In their youth, Taurus have many affairs, but they soon realize that marriage is more important to them than success in love.
Taurus enters into a marriage of convenience. Very jealous. He also chooses his mistress (lover) according to calculation. Nevertheless, homosexuals are more common among Taurus than among other Zodiac Signs.
An egocentric with sadistic tendencies, Taurus terrorizes the family from childhood to old age, although outwardly he seems polite and affectionate to outsiders. His children must “walk the walk.” All family finances are in his (her) hands, and only he (she) has the right to manage them.
The Taurus woman is pleasant, but others can be overwhelmed by her excessive practicality. She chooses her partner carefully. She will always demand from her husband both moral and material compensation for the youth and beauty she gave him.
Taurus women usually know better than other Zodiac Signs how to keep a man with them. But it is Taurus women who make the most terrible and obnoxious old maids.
Taurus does not trust anyone, not even himself, and therefore the Taurus husband is painfully jealous.
Being a usurper of all privileges that he can reach, Taurus in the family is the center and unquestioning manager. He looks different at work, where he is the most helpful member of the team. The authorities favor him.
In general, Taurus, being by nature strong and firmly sewn, is healthy, hardy and energetic. He is born with a strong constitution and can live to an old age without any disease. Most of his illnesses stem from excessive work, drinking, smoking, and love affairs. When sick, Taurus does not recover for too long, falling into despondency and loss of spirit.
Taurus does not have an inferiority complex, and therefore best career for him the career of a politician, military man or athlete may become.
Taurus and Scorpio are two opposites of each other. The union of Taurus with Virgo, Capricorn, and Aquarius is not always favorable. Taurus should avoid Pisces and Cancer. Libra and Sagittarius can become Taurus' partners, as well as Leo for love and friendship.

TWINS

from 22.05 TO 21.06
-Who likes to make fun of others?
- And who does not tolerate ridicule of himself?
-Who loves immense attention to themselves?
- Of course, these are the always quarreling Twins!

from 22.06 TO 22.07
- Who is changeable, like the capricious weather: sometimes he fasts, sometimes he allows himself everything?
- And who can hope for the sympathy of this one who is most in need of sympathy,
- thick-shelled Cancer?

Cancers are self-absorbed losers and fatalists who do not believe that they can change their lives. This leads them to passivity, laziness and inertia.
Among all the Zodiac Signs, Cancer is the first contender for the role of an energy vampire, sucking energy from the psychosphere of the environment.
If in the horoscopic birth chart of Cancer the Moon is “strong” (this can only be determined by a professional astrologer), then Cancer risks being a “lunar vampire”. But we don’t need the services of an astrologer to recognize the lunar vampire in Cancer: Cancer-Moon Vampires are whiners in life, constantly “crying into their vest” and waiting for sympathy. They strive to “burden” their wife (husband), friends, neighbors, and acquaintances with their experiences in order to at least partially “burden” their cross on them. These abilities of the lunar vampire are closely related to the phases of the moon, becoming more acute during periods of the full moon. The Moon controls Cancer-Moon Vampires, determining the ups and downs of their mood. Cancers are susceptible to the mood of others: at the moment of depression, they need communication on a psychological level with people who can bring them out of this mood. As soon as the mood of those around him worsens, Cancer will feel great relief, mental uplift and come out of a state of mental depression.
If in the horoscopic birth chart of Cancer the Moon is “weak” (this can only be determined by a professional astrologer), then Cancer risks being a “solar vampire”. But we can recognize him without an astrologer, since Cancer-Solar Vampires are brawlers by nature. They choose a victim who is weak and prone to stress, impose their problem on her and provoke her into an argument. The scandals caused by the solar vampire are constant and have nothing to do with the phases of the moon.
“Cancer is hysterical and a liar. If he does not lie, then he is hysterical; if he is not hysterical, then he is lying” (astrologer A.N. Ryzhov).
Cancers are sensual, easily vulnerable and therefore terribly suspicious and touchy. They never forgive anyone for their grievances.
At work, Cancers are relatively honest and almost reliable, but they do not like innovations. They have a heightened intuition, reaching the point of mysticism, hiding it from others, since they do not like to stand out from the crowd to the point of stomach cramps.
In life, Cancer is a loser. He is a conservative and an opportunist, immersed in introspection. Nothing can change his beliefs. Having learned that the suit fits him well, Cancer will wear him to pieces.
Cancer argues against any statement out of a spirit of contradiction in order to mock his opponent and grow in his own bulging eyes.
Out of fear, Cancer may attack first, but usually, sensing danger, it flees to its hole, to a place that cares and cherishes more than anything else. He takes pleasure in denigrating everyone and everything, pretending to be the master of the situation and pretending to be strong and confident. In fact, he is scared to death of everyone.
Cancer considers everyone to be idle, for whom he alone works hard. Everyday work disgusts him, and he imperceptibly pushes it onto others.
It is difficult for Cancer to find an object of love because of his high claims, and having fallen in love, he can pursue the object of love for years.
Cancers are the mothers of all Zodiac Signs. They are good housewives, but usually they love their children more than their spouse. And they love them like a mother.
Cancers rarely marry at an early age, as they have difficulty leaving their parents' home and are too attached to their mother. Cancers are possessive and very jealous. Family for Cancer is his fortress.
Cancer is the only Zodiac Sign that can find mutual understanding with all others, but finds special happiness with Scorpio, Virgo, Capricorn and Pisces.

from 23.07 TO 23.08
- Who is proud of everything that is related and close to him?
- And who expects the same from those around them?
- And you just can’t stand their insensitive gaze?
- Oh, it’s him, the loving and royal LION!

Of course, not everyone is called to rule the empire and the world, but those born under the Sign of Leo have greatest chance to leadership. Leos are called to both rule and love. They are deeply unhappy if they are not bowed down to. They are noble when it does not destroy their charisma of power. The world for Leo is a huge stage on which a play written for his dramatic talent is played out. His unattainable arrogance can poison anyone's life.
“Do not excite the system called Leo, otherwise he will lose his balance and fall on top of you. I didn’t even say a word about the vestibular system: I’m talking about excitation” (according to A.N. Ryzhov).
At first impression, Leos are confident in themselves, but in reality they are characterized by doubts. They are very concerned about their appearance (especially women). And they really love a fat wallet.
Leos are generous to those, only to those they love. They are not susceptible to the mood of others and never notice hints made to them.
Leos do not understand people well, and therefore Leos are conquered with flattery and praise. They are ambitious, shameless and aggressive. At the same time, they are also arrogant.
From early childhood, Leo has a penchant for drinking and extortion. As a child, he extorts money from his parents, then from friends and acquaintances. His hypertrophied pride and self-esteem can poison the life of anyone, and gluttony can ruin any pocket. However, he rarely gets fat.
“Screwing in a screw for Leo is all, crap. This, first of all, is not a royal matter! He won’t even unscrew it: he will knock it out with an ax along with the wall to the neighbor.
Leo is a mechanic? Well, this is a defective Leo! He probably has square genitals. Can't be. Their hands don't grow from there. Here is a senior mechanic, yes!” (according to A.N. Ryzhov).
Leos love to earn big money and even more love to spend it. They borrow a lot, give away, spend, and in general - often live beyond their means.
Leos are the most gambling and avid players of cards, lotto, and billiards, but their luck is very doubtful. Moreover, they are incorrigible cheaters.
Leo has the highest success rate of all the zodiac signs, but they also have the worst failures.
Leo loves the whole world to revolve around him, so he always strives to be the first in everything; if this does not work out, he withers and noticeably shrinks in size. He has an unshakable sense of his own greatness, worth and infallibility.
Pride is Leo's enemy, especially if it is not justified in any way. In these cases, he experiences mental inflation: depression, quirks, abusive, morbid humor. Then he becomes an arrogant and pompous person, punishing those around him for his unfulfilled ambitions as a tyrant. He becomes a slave to his vices, a petty and restless adventurer, considering only himself. Evolved against the backdrop of all this" Napoleonic complex" can sometimes drive Leo to the madhouse.
They say about Leo that he roars more often than he bites.
Ideal partners for Leo are Libra, Cancer, Sagittarius, Aries, Gemini. Leo has a mutual coldness with Aquarius and Taurus.

VIRGO

from 24.08 TO 23.09
-Who criticizes everything he sees and hears?
- Who analyzes each of his and each of our sneezes?
- Who loves and cherishes even their own illnesses?
- Of course, this is Virgo, a practical bore!

Those born under the Virgo sign are intelligent and have an analytical mind, but they have too much opinion of themselves. In others he values ​​only erudition, and therefore often loses friends. To be happy, Virgos often lack ease of communication, although many people born under this Sign have achieved high results in their chosen activities.
But know: if after several minutes of communication with an intelligent person, you want to dismember him and send his remains to several non-existent addresses, this person is most likely a Virgo according to his horoscope.
Virgo - “Woe from Wit”: she continuously chews her mental cud, conducting a mental dialogue with herself, building cages in her mind (not always golden) in which she prefers to live.
Virgo has the charm of a pink-faced toad, the grace of a china shop elephant, and the brains of a calculator.
Virgos are petty, stingy, boring and grumpy. With their tediousness and their nagging, Virgos can ruin any business and drive anyone to white heat. Virgo never improvises, and draws up the most detailed, boring and detailed action plans for both herself and her loved ones, despite their protests.
Virgo is meticulous when calculating expenses, but she spends a lot. Her sayings: “The miser pays twice” and “If you don’t pay extra, you don’t inform.” Virgo buys expensive things without haggling. However, Virgos like to wear things out and are hesitant to throw away old things.
Virgo's pedantry is unbearable. She has a cold calculation in everything, and everything she does is difficult and boring.
Virgos are masters of intrigue, and they will not rest until they have exhausted the entire family of their enemies to the tenth generation.
The most terrible marriage, like a cannonball chained to the leg of a prisoner, is “Virgo + Virgo,” which was Leo Tolstoy’s.
Of the negative traits of Virgos, the one that most repels friends and acquaintances from them is their eternal moralism, bordering on their hypocrisy and their narrow-mindedness.
Virgo's body does not feel like a part of nature. He does not have the energy of Aries, the vitality of Taurus, the elasticity of Gemini, the endurance of Cancer, or the resistance of Leo. It is fragile, it gets tired easily, it often looks painful.
A typical Virgo illness is constipation and intestinal spasms, which threaten to poison the entire system if they drag on too long. From them, Virgo develops merichlundia (bad mood) and even indigestion (indigestion). But Virgo has a first-class system of iron nerves, and she knows how to deal with health problems. Here is Virgo’s credo: “Beauty will be saved by an enema!”
Virgo monitors the symptoms and does not allow the bad to worsen. True, as a rule, this leads to exaggerated attention to health, to a mania for cleanliness, to a fear of germs, which excludes all normal contacts, which can even result in sexual abstinence. It is also true that Virgo’s obsession with mania for cleanliness is periodic, and the very next day Virgo can get into the mud up to its ears.
The virgins are rude in a Jesuitical way: with a delicate, narrow-lipped grin, they dump out a whole bag of arguments they have collected. At the same time, their eyes become prickly, and their nose becomes a nose-trunk. And one more thing: when they are rude, they do not lie and do not imagine anything. These are such infections and ulcers!
Virgo has no natural instinct to take action. If their heart is caught, they retreat, go into hiding to think. They hate and fear all uncertainty and expectation. Passion seems to Virgo to be a disease of the soul that reason must cure. Virgos analyze their feelings, trying to minimize them with the help of reason, doubt, debate and ridicule, while nevertheless being more attached to the object of passion than they think.
Virgo is hot ice, and therefore does not pour out her love in words, preferring action to words. Tenderness seems to Virgo a form of humiliation, and she considers herself above love's cooing. The brilliant slow-witted Virgo often “stays in the dark,” unable to choose, like Buridan’s donkey, one of two, and that is why no Sign has more bachelors and old maids, isolated in a cage or, until the end of their days, as they say, "in the ivory tower."
Virgo men rank 1st in terms of impotence among all Zodiac Signs.
An alliance with Capricorn, Taurus, Scorpio and Cancer is favorable for Virgo, but she should avoid Aries and Sagittarius.

IN ONE DUTCH WOMEN'S MAGAZINE I STANDED UPON THIS FUNNY HOROSCOPE.

I WANTED TO INTRODUCE YOU WITH THESE IDEAS, BUT IN THE PROCESS OF READING I WAS SURPRISED MYSELF... BUT SO MUCH THINGS COINCIDE...?!

TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF, MAYBE THIS SHOULD BE AMAZING TO YOU?

Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac, the most lively and energetic. Astrology textbooks describe Aries as an engaging, energetic personality, endowed with the charisma of a born leader and revolutionary. He rapidly rushes through life, radiating cheerfulness and optimism.

The truth is that he is an overbearing, self-centered bastard, only interested in himself and with an inflated ego.

In Aries, Mars gives a person courage, determination, energy, passion and ambition, as well as hot temper, selfishness and impulsiveness. A typical Aries flies through life at full steam, challenging anyone who stands in his way. Endowed with fearlessness by nature, he calmly rushes into battle, even with deliberate strong opponent. If you are unlucky and fall under his feet, you will fully experience for yourself what an irritated Aries is: angry, red, he screams and can even stomp his feet, or even throw his fists. Sometimes, suddenly, out of the blue, he can show generosity and, for example, leave his partner empty-handed. Most of all he is afraid of being branded ignoble!

He is hurt by the condescending attitude, he will not forgive this and, on occasion, can take painful revenge. Although by nature he is not so vindictive.

Aries does not reason in detail, he simply reacts to stimuli, he first acts and then thinks, often in the heat of the moment destroying his own happiness, because he has no time to collect facts and think...

Without an iota of humility, he never admits his mistakes! It is impossible to wait for words of apology from him.

You start arguing with him and a barrage of screams and insults will fall on you; if you prove that you are right, he will be offended like a child and go away to sulk in a corner. Aries is characterized by a complete lack of taste in clothes, they simply have no time to do it, they are more attracted to moving objects... They especially adore cars.

What is characteristic is that they are selfless in love...

CALF. (April 20-May 20)

Taurus is the second sign of the Zodiac. Traditional astrology kindly describes Taurus as reliable, picky eater, thrifty homebody, lover of good food and magic in the kitchen. A born boss and a person capable of ruling the World.

But in real life, you will have to deal with a stubborn, edifying, boring curmudgeon with weight problems.

When you hear the word Taurus or bull, people’s imaginations conjure up an image of a large animal peacefully chewing grass, blinking its large shiny eyes with satisfaction. He is even ready to let you scratch him behind the ears... But if you want to pick a couple of leaves in his field, you will get such a storm!

Whichever Taurus you interact with, be it a man or a woman, you will quickly recognize his character. His rage is capable of awakening such a beast in him in an instant that you will instantly regret that bullfighting was abolished in your country!

His eyes fill with anger, he even darkens his face, everyone’s lower jaw protrudes forward at least a little, they subconsciously bow their heads and look at you from under their brows, just like a bull before an attack...

Taurus is ruled by the planet Venus, which gives it insatiability.

Simple approval is never enough for Taurus, property is always small, food is not enough, rest and sex are always not to the fullest... They are emotional, but not intellectual, and from childhood they take advantage of hard work and diligence. They don’t know how to grasp a thought on the fly, but if they learn something, it’s for life. Because of this, many of them do not complete their education, or give up halfway... the craving for pleasure is too great. But if they have already learned, then rest assured, you won’t find a better careerist... They love to sit at all kinds of meetings, sessions, join parties, unions and very quickly become leaders in them... Although everyone will whisper behind his back that he is a scoundrel, a dictator, usurper…

They are not able to listen to the opinion of another person, so neither logic nor reasonable arguments work on them. If you start arguing with him, you will feel like you are hitting your forehead against the wall, and if it turns out that you are right, he will look at you as if you were an alien. His great sense of style and beauty attracts people to him, but they are often lonely due to their difficult nature and are prone to sexual perversions, such as homosexuality. Both men and women often suffer from an inferiority complex due to weight and therefore sometimes allow themselves harsh behavior, but they just want to eat.

Many Taurus can never give up bad habits, smoking, drugs, alcohol, they like to be late... Usually very good parents, but they love to pamper their children.

Gemini is the third sign of the Zodiac. Astrologers unanimously convince us that Geminis are energetic, versatile people, endowed with a lot of talents, charming intellectuals, capable of solving several problems at the same time and very fond of communication.

In fact, being close to Gemini is like getting a job in a madhouse; surprises and various dirty tricks will constantly await you.

They are not smart, but cunning, cunning and resourceful, rather talkers than philosophers. They think quickly and strangely, the main goal in their life is to become famous and, in turn, meet all the celebrities around them.

Their element is meetings, cocktails, presentations, where famous audiences gather and talk about high things... Although their knowledge of everything is superficial, they pretend that they understand everything and in every field of art they are the most subtle connoisseurs and specialists. Their patron is Mercury, the fast god who has wings on his sandals! He transports them from one place to another with lightning speed, and the element air is impermanence itself.

It is impossible to convince a Gemini; they are very stubborn, but they pass off their stubbornness as breadth of mind and independence. They do not delve into life, but seem to glide along the surface. A point of view other than their own is always wrong in their eyes, but they know for sure that they are right!

In marriage, this is the most unfaithful and fickle partner, they are attracted to new people by their freshness and incomprehensibility, they are instantly enchanted, they suffer greatly from unrequited love, but can be consoled in a quarter of an hour by seeing something new on the horizon. They can meticulously ask a person about something, without even delving into the essence of his answers and explanations. They have an excellent sense of taste and style, they know how to dress beautifully and wear jewelry, but they always think that the neighbor on the landing looks better and begin to copy her, because they have two faces, they are constantly in change...

Envy, passion for gossip and intrigue, constant changes in mood and point of view... makes Gemini unreliable partners, they always have enemies, they can especially cause a lot of suffering to Capricorns, Virgos, Taurus and Scorpios... But people fall in love with them and remain faithful to them all their lives , people much more worthy than them... it’s just that these victims fell into the net of their charm. Geminis are always thin, food does not give them the same satisfaction as, for example, good music, a declaration of love, poetry, or a walk in the forest.

CANCER. (June 21-July 22)

Cancer, the fourth sign of the Zodiac, lives in the House of domestic, private life. Compliant astrology describes Cancer as a person who loves solitude, is caring, and is completely devoted to family and friends.

The truth is that Cancers are slippery creatures, prone to manipulating people and, in turn, demanding absolute devotion from loved ones.

All water signs sensitive and emotional, but Cancer is simply a champion in emotional instability. Cancer is ruled by the Moon, and it changes daily; the mood of Cancer is the ebb and flow of the tides, only accelerated many times over. Polite Cancer can easily be rude, insult, and is very often ready to cheat, but you are unlikely to know about it, he is secretive and deceitful.

Cancer is capable of joking, laughing and getting angry, or being offended and crying at the same time. He loves to retire, attack and immediately complain and whine...

He has several points of view on the same question and all of them, by the way, are correct; he is not at all stubborn, but he is not going to argue with you, he will simply remain silent and do it his own way.

Sharp and unexpected movements frighten him, they even shudder, they love smoothness and softness, insects and reptiles frighten him.

Cancers don't reason, they get offended...

Weepy.

Forcing Cancer to look at himself objectively is an unrealistic task. In a dispute, Cancer will be the first to be silent, but this does not mean that he has lost, do not extend your hand to him, he can chop it off with his claw. Cancer loves old things, antiques, all Cancers are very religious, and for real. Great intuition makes them a bit of a seer in the eyes of other people, wonderful parents, but dubious partners... Especially Cancer men love to live in two families and have illegitimate children, and those around them often find out about this only after their death. Cancer women are rarely noticeable
s in society, usually these are quiet mothers of families or mediocre officials, but this does not mean anything, if Cancer gets a job somewhere, he will always find a loophole to illegally increase his salary. They love to work where there is a smell of money.

Leo is the fifth sign of the Zodiac. He lives in the house of creativity and love. Any book on astrology will tell you that Leos are proud, confident, fun-loving people, loyal, generous, elegant. Most likely, these books were written by the astrologer Leo.

In fact, Leos always crave to be in the center of attention, power fanatics of their own “I”, whose immaturity and selfishness are exceeded only by their desire to control others.

Leo is ruled by the Sun, and just as it is the center of our System, Leo (or Lioness) considers itself the center around which everything should revolve. Of course, they crave obvious worship, but sometimes it is enough for them that you personally consider it the main thing in everything.

Leos are either loud, unceremonious and cheeky, or crafty quiet ones with a sense of self-esteem.

Sometimes he can just pretend to be a humble quiet person for a while, but don’t be deceived, there are no shy and shy Leos in nature. Their constant need for attention often makes them moody, and when they lose touch with their Self, they become selfish tyrants, especially as they age, believing that their whole life is a vale of misery. In fact, they roar and cause suffering to others without the slightest embarrassment.

Instead of building relationships with people, they torment them with jealousy and reproaches, try to argue with them and you will hear just a roar instead of arguments.

Win an argument with him, he will fall silent, stare at you and go into the shadows, pondering the next attack.

Leos make the most devoted mama's boys. They easily part with their first spouse, although later they often regret it for the rest of their lives.

Lionesses make fanatical mothers who take great pleasure in poisoning the lives of their daughters-in-law.

Virgo is the sixth sign of the Zodiac and lives in the House of Services and Health. Astrologers tactfully portray Virgo as a modest, practical, sweet person, logical, discerning and meticulous.

However, if you take a closer look, you will find a restless, fussy, petty critic and a hypocrite, prone to endless analysis and subjective assessments.

Virgo is ruled by Mercury, the same planet that rules restless Gemini. However, in Virgo, restless Mercury is trapped in the element of Earth, where he becomes critical and irritable.

Virgos might dream of being as spontaneous as Geminis, but they stand too firmly on the ground.

Virgos get worried about everything.

They heal the sick, save sinners, correct speech errors and dispense unsolicited advice with the gravity of an elementary school teacher.

Virgos are very cautious and absolutely devoid of adventurism. They are so busy improving those around them that they completely ignore their character, which cannot be called pleasant.

Of all the signs, Virgos are the least able to admit their mistakes. Born under the motto, THERE IS NO PERFECTION IN THE WORLD!, they cannot relax and enjoy life.

All Virgo’s fantasies and dreams have an absolutely practical purpose, Virgo does nothing without benefit for herself, and if she gave you something, it means that the other day she just got a larger piece.

Virgo can get a job in any organization, even in Horns and Hooves, and calmly have their piece of bread with butter and caviar there. Most of all they fear for their health, therefore, no matter what, Virgo will not eat, if necessary, they will calmly lose weight or quit smoking, they do not tell anyone, even themselves, the whole truth.

Always on the sidelines, they know how to pull chestnuts out of the fire with someone else’s hands. Virgo, possessing the gift of persuasion, can convince anyone that a new enterprise is simply necessary; she has long ago calculated the dividends for herself.

They are constant in marriage, because disorder in everything has a depressing effect on Virgo.

Virgo is obsessed with neatness, they are easy to recognize by appearance, always neatly dressed and combed. Men often get married very late or even remain single, because Virgo, firstly, is never bored alone, and secondly, Virgo men enjoy doing housework.

This sign, both in the Zodiac and in life, embodies the variability of life and the constancy of change.

Astrologers endow him with the highest harmony, they claim that Libra is always impartial, diplomatic and always strives for peace, that they spend their entire lives looking for truth, beauty and the perfect life partner.

In fact, behind their somewhat cloying smiles, hide those who like to pamper themselves, their Beloved, people who indulge only their own whims in everything, their ears are tuned only to the ringing of coins, and there is no more individuality and greatness in them than in a green leaf.

Libra is ruled by Venus, but it is in Libra that it gives a person an endless thirst for improvement. They definitely need to be the first, they are never satisfied, neither with themselves nor with their partner.

As one of the domineering cardinal signs, Libra views dissent as a personal insult.

They get angry even if you just change the TV to another channel.

According to Libra, the harmony of the world lies in the fact that everyone agrees with them. Libras are very subjective and not judgmental. They recognize one opinion - their own.

If you start arguing with them, they will explode with anger, but they can easily ask you for forgiveness because they are afraid of power.

All Libras necessarily have at least some kind of inferiority complex. For women, it’s either weight, or height, or not too much. smooth skin, for men it’s even worse, even beautiful wife will not help him stop being tormented by suffering over the fact that someone else might have it better...

Libras get married only by calculation; if the calculation turns out to be wrong, they often do not muster the courage to get a divorce and harass their partner with nagging, sometimes destroying him as a person.

At heart they are cowards and a shout is enough for them, but they are offended for life... They are geniuses in love and very often have affairs with married people, because to take someone away from them, what could be more pleasant? You don’t have to ask them for a loan... they won’t give it. When it comes to raising children, they are complete ignoramuses, either pampering or demanding impossible obedience; as a rule, their children grow up indecisive and always look back at their parents, although Libra themselves are always disobedient and rough-necked in childhood. But they are capable of generous and broad gestures, this charms people; they often say about Libra: A wonderful person!

SCORPION(October 23-November 21)

Scorpio, the eighth sign of the Zodiac, resides in the House of Death, Sex and Other People's Possessions.

Conventional astrology describes Scorpio as a passionate creature, full of secrets, sensual, endowed with the gift of being reborn and rising from the ashes, like a Phoenix.

But a comparison with Dracula rising from the grave is more suitable for him.

These are people possessed by obsessive ideas, very secretive subjects prone to assault, who feed their pride by humiliating others.

Scorpio is ruled by two planets. From Mars, the god of war, conflict and aggression, he is endowed with suspicion, and his outward friendliness is separated from boiling toxic emotions by only a thin layer of skin.

The second planet Pluto, the god of extremes, instills in him an unsurpassed instinct for survival in any situation. Neither an aspen stake, nor holy water - nothing can harm Scorpio; only he himself can hit him. Which is what Scorpio usually does at the end of life.

Scorpio rarely lives out his life happily; usually his unbridled imagination and instinct of ownership push him to make an erroneous fateful decision.

But mind you, not anyone, but only himself, is doing a dirty trick on himself.

His favorite game in life is Bonfire of the Inquisition. If you die, then you are innocent, if you remain alive, then you are guilty.

They deliberately cause harm to loved ones; as a rule, their marriages do not last long, especially the first ones, not very There are not many people who can withstand their character. After all, everyone in this world, in his opinion, is not worthy of him, he is the best in everything, the richest, the most successful, they are by nature endowed with longevity, good health and exorbitant narcissism.

Their intuition is so developed that they see people through. Very religious. Perhaps the most religious of all signs.

If you leave him with a snort, he will never forgive you. Scorpios are very vindictive, they do not forget anything and never forgive.

They love to be late everywhere and hate it when others are late to them. As a rule, they are very hot-tempered and in the heat of the moment they speak without thinking, they are often pugnacious and never give in. Sometimes they are capable of a broad gesture, but here
they will demand something in return.

Their motto: All or nothing!

If you get a divorce, then they try in every way to annoy your ex and pay alimony with great reluctance.

Greedy beef and all the money in the world are never enough for them.

Sagittarius is the ninth sign of the Zodiac and resides in the House of philosophy, adventure and long-distance travel.

Traditionally, representatives of this sign are described as sociable, cheerful, honest people having philosophical view on life and events in the world, passionate travelers.

However, the harsh truth is that this is a tactless subject, stomping through life with one foot stuck in a bucket, a loudmouth and a bully, always speaking out of place.

Sagittarius is ruled by the cheerful joker Jupiter, and he endows his charges with a restless character and extravagance.

Sagittarians never know how to count money and easily part with it, their generosity of soul is sometimes even burdensome, they have a lot of friends around the world, they charm you so much from the first meeting that they immediately remember this person and immediately promote them somewhere.

Becoming a leader or director is a piece of cake for Sagittarius, but he often won’t work, because his job is to travel around, make incendiary speeches and sit on the podium. All Sagittarians, both men and women, firmly believe that they know everything in the world and spend their time educating humanity, which is mired in ignorance.

They don’t know how to act subtly; they need everything to be done right away.

They laugh very loudly or smile cloyingly, but under the mask of a cheerful jester hides suppressed rage, and what a rage!

It is because they have to suppress their anger that many of them are violent criminals.

In general, angry Sagittarians do not even try to curb their feelings.

They were born in the dark season, when the days are shortest and the nights are longest and their souls are often also twilight, they suffer from attacks of melancholy, they constantly want fiesta.

Their favorite entertainment is the circus; they love loud music, which is why there are so many artists, singers, and musicians among them.

Sagittarius women are completely delighted with shiny jewelry, even cheap jewelry. The lack of sunlight makes them lovers of bright clothes. Sagittarians love to quarrel with relatives, both close and distant, and they have frequent conflicts in their families, while they argue, yell, and then can calmly make peace and talk an hour later as if nothing had happened.

They are very emotional, capricious, and fickle.

They cheat easily in marriage. They don’t know how to argue, and if you start to prove your point, your centaur will quickly jump over the fence and run away for fresh clover.

As a rule, Sagittarius women always have many children, not at all because they are good mothers, they are just too lazy
protect themselves and they make a decision with lightning speed: Oh, let there be another child! Although, having given birth, they immediately try to get the baby to be nursed by someone, they harass their husband, mother, distant relatives and neighbors, they love five-day days, because for them going to work is a vacation, and, instead of running home to the children after work, it may well go listen to a lecture on how to care for orchids, although she doesn’t have any orchids.

Sagittarians are simply born for public assignments: house elder, combatants, fireman, stewardess, conductor of the Moscow-Vladivostok carriage - what could be more pleasant?

Generous astrologers describe this person as a traditionalist, a determined and purposeful person, a very selective person, with good taste and a sense of style.

It would be possible not to try hard with the description, replacing it with one word careerist.

If you are dealing with a Capricorn, then you will definitely suffer from his power, pompousness, these people clutch the Civil Code in one hand and the marriage contract in the other.

Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, and here he endows him with dogmatism and makes him purely business-minded. Capricorn women, if they did not make a career themselves, then brought their weak-willed husbands into the people, and they were not given anything else.

All Capricorns are born with a manic desire to be the first in their herd.. Although fish tail in his sign indicates a moist and emotional nature. They are sensitive and cry often. But their tears are rarely visible, they are not sweetly sentimental like Pisces.

Showing emotions is considered indecent, but they are hot-tempered.

More than anything else, they love to talk about how hard they worked and tried to achieve their position. Although by nature they are generally tongue-tied and listening to them is tiring, they do not have flights of thought and imagination, like Pisces and Gemini, everything is the naked truth. They also have a poor sense of humor.

Capricorns are very serious and lack spontaneity. Very often, women and men born under this sign marry early, although they themselves do not understand why?

They think very little about love, they are interested in material values, but in their youth it seems to them: It’s time, it’s time to start a family, I’m already an adult

Namely, they think about family, not about love.

At a fairly young age, they achieve material success, and having achieved it, they understand that life is boring. They don’t know how to be happy, so all Capricorns have a very responsible hobby, if not, then only their favorite JOB!

And only this brings him happiness; to all his partner’s lamentations he has an excuse: I’m busy! Money is an end in itself for Capricorn.

In general, these are boring subjects who are usually appreciated when they are suddenly not around. They take great care of their health and are chronic long-livers.

According to the Bible, Jesus was a Capricorn, but by all indications He was, of course, a FISH, a kind pacifist... But Capricorns love to fight to the end, they are very stubborn and persistent.

If you win the argument, it is likely that your phone will ring at night; Capricorn has decided to offer you a counter-argument...

Aquarius is the eleventh sign of the Zodiac, and benevolent astrology describes him as an individualist, self-confident, original and idealistic, who treats all people equally.

To you, he will most likely seem like an obsessive eccentric who begins to tell everyone he meets about his bizarre theories and conclusions.

To bring confusion and disorder is the true purpose of Aquarius. He doesn't even know why he's doing this.

Since we have officially entered the Age of Aquarius, this only enhances its qualities. He loves rebellion, and in a peaceful, routine life he feels sleepy, often because of this he has the desire to drink or smoke... They are very prone to bad habits.

Aquarius loves to cross the boundaries of morality and break the law.

Aquarius is ruled by two planets - Uranus and Saturn.

Uranus is the planet of sudden changes and revolutions. Saturn is the planet of dogma and suppression. Therefore, Aquarians are not sincere, they create the illusion of change without changing anything, they themselves are terribly afraid of change.

Aquarians are aloof people, not passionate, if you dig deeper, you will notice that they know little, their knowledge is superficial, and in general, they often have nothing to say.

They are all dreaming about the future: when I grow up, when I get married, when I have children, when I save money, when I retire... But life passes them by, because they do not know how to live in the present.

They don’t even wear clothes right away; they usually hang them in the closet for years until they go out of fashion.

They are often very insightful and have a good understanding of people, but their problem is that they can never understand themselves... Marriages with them break up easily, like ninepins... But they are never left alone, they will always find someone to charm, and again they are paired ...

By old age, their weakest organ is the head, often memory loss, and nervous disorders. Therefore, if you get an Aquarius, take care of him, he does not know how to take care of himself.

Pisces - twelfth and last sign Zodiac, which has absorbed the wisdom of all other signs. Astrology calls them seers, they seem to have descended to earth along a moonbeam, people prone to introspection, sensitive to the mood and aura of other people. Good pacifists, they feel sorry for everyone, both people and animals...

Scrape off the gilt and you will find a dreamer overturned by the realities of life, gullible, disorganized, constantly in a state of confusion and completely helpless.

Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the god of illusions, and it is he who endows a person born under this sign with the desire to run away from problems and absolute naivety. They believe everything!

They evaluate every action through the prism of their prejudices, against which any truth is shattered..

This makes Pisces champions among losers, but they endure all adversity easily, for the sole reason that not knowing how to get out of the situation, they resign themselves to it, and the current carries them out on its own.

They are not fighters, they don’t lay down their weapons, they don’t even know how to pick them up!

This makes them surprisingly resilient, but far from reality.

They have many, many ideas, but the fear of change and unwillingness to take risks keeps them down and often prevents them from developing their potential, which is enormous.

They have a lot of talents and they can do many things better than others, but they are lazy...

Ambition is a trait generally unknown to them; they may well tell their idea, completely free of charge, to a person who will make capital from it.

But Neptune is the god of the sea elements, so Pisces are hot-tempered and hysterical like no other, but after an hour they have already forgotten that they just recently yelled at you, and begin to talk as if nothing had happened, they have a wonderful sense of humor, but sometimes it is cruel satire.

All Pisces speak first and think later.

But they are certainly interesting people, and the taste, style and charm they have often makes you come to terms with and digest their intolerable character.

They are quick-tempered, but quick-witted, they say about themselves, without noticing that they have a lot of enemies.

Pisces themselves are terribly vindictive and do not forgive insults, reminding everyone of this, including the offenders, many take this for courage, but this is just sentimental whining. After all, Pisces never take revenge.