Let passions strangle lovers,
Demanding an answer.
We, darling, are only souls
At the edge of the world.
A. A. Akhmatova

Father, unfortunately, now our life is such that many come to the temple, already having an unsuccessful experience of married life behind them. But, according to the word of the Gospel (see Mt. 5:32), who enters into a second marriage commits adultery... Is the commandment of the Lord really so strict in relation to those who sinned, not yet being a conscious Christian? Is it necessary to treat the second marital union as a sin, since the first unsuccessful marriage was not consecrated by the Church, was performed outside of its sacraments?

No way. The words of Christ, of course, refer specifically to the lawful, that is, consecrated by the Church, marriages. Therefore, a large or small experience of failures in " personal life“Through repentance, through labors of prayer, it can be successfully overcome, and a Christian marriage develops happily, if only the husband and wife cherish and love each other and do not remind each other of past mistakes. I would like to make a reservation only in relation to the ministry of the priesthood, as well as the ministry of mother, the wife of the priest. Here the Church unfailingly demands purity, as the Apostle Paul says in his pastoral epistles.

But what if life experience is not limited to unsuccessful marriage, and a person, coming to the Church, figuratively speaking, drags behind him a whole “train” of unfulfilled friendships, loves, affections? I have repeatedly heard that a newly converted Christian with such a “rich” past, going to church, can only repent, and one should not even dream of finally finding his half, getting married and finding happiness in marriage.

Undoubtedly, multiple mistakes, the fall of youth, a dashing youth leave a bitter and dark trace in the soul after turning to Christ, to the Church. But the mercy of God to the repentant sinner is boundless. There is no such sin that the Lord would not forgive His creation. If the gravity of what has been done presses on the conscience, if the soul itself yearns for the exploits of repentance, if carnal pleasures have become disgusting to it, have become hated, and it, the soul, wants to devote itself entirely to the field of pleasing God, then, of course, those priests are right who advise to act according to the Apostle Paul, to remain so, do not seek marriage or marriage. Another thing is human weakness. “... It is better to enter into marriage than to be kindled” (1 Cor. 7, 9), - that is, marriage is that reliable haven of chastity, entering which a Christian will be delivered from the kindled arrows of the evil spirit. Therefore, consideration is necessary: ​​with whom you, priest, are talking. And it is always better to protect an ardent, passionate, inflammable nature from new and new falls, blessing it to enter into a lawful marriage, than, by “pulling the bridle”, involuntarily become the cause of its final collapse and death.

Celibacy, in the words of Archpriest Vasily Zenkovsky, is an uncertain and painful condition, including for a Christian. Nevertheless, many stay in it - perhaps striving for marriage, but for some reason not finding it. And youth is leaving, but there is still no desired answer to prayer ...

We, pastors, advise and urge, first of all, to rejoice over the chastity of the heart, to wage that battle with the passions, which is inalienable from true Christian living. A person who keeps his thoughts and feelings pure is under the cover of God's grace, the Guardian Angel is close to him, he does not lose live communication with his heavenly patron. God hears the prayer of the chaste, according to the word of Scripture: “He will do the will of those who fear Him ...” (Ps. 144, 19.) And therefore, the Lord Himself provides for such a person and helps him find the desired half.

One thing is clear - they do not go to marriage "by trial and error." Free, dissolute behavior with persons of the opposite sex is incompatible with the aspirations of true marital happiness. To a person who has experienced a lot, but who has found reconciliation with the Lord through sincere repentance and correction of life, I advise you to constantly thank God for His mercy and not even allow a thought of doubt or grumbling, as soon as our plans to “make a marital nest” do not come true already under the shade Orthodox Church. The Lord knows us better than ourselves. If our hair is considered His divine omniscience and not one of them will fall without the will of the Heavenly Father, even more so in His knowledge and authority is the question of our determination in personal life. “Lord, I thank You for what I have, and three times for what I don’t have ...” The ability to surrender to the will of the Lord with childish trust, to remain in complacency when sad thoughts about the past youth no-no yes are introduced into consciousness a lonely person, the courageous preservation of oneself from sin for the glory of the Savior who brought us out of the underworld - these are the traits of spiritual maturity that will allow us to always remain young.

Father, you have already said above that “a man is weak and his flesh is weak” ... Therefore, the state of celibacy is painful, because one who is in it - especially if he had a chance to know earthly love earlier - feels himself deprived to one degree or another, all the more that around "everyone can do anything." Psychology and the Holy Fathers in this case unanimously advise transferring sensual attraction to the realm of creativity (I'm talking about what Freud called sublimation). Anyone who has not found happiness in marriage can and should realize himself in some other area. But what about someone who does not have pronounced talents and abilities?

Let me, let me! The path of the Fathers and the paths of psychoanalysts rarely intersect... Let's start with the fact that such theories are always limited, because lust, carnal desire is one thing, and quite another is the need of the immortal human spirit to glorify the Lord, the thirst for unity with Him, the desire of the soul to express its reverent feelings in prayer to the Creator. It is obvious that in a person who preserves virginity - such as the saints John of Damascus, John Chrysostom, John of Kronstadt were - all the forces of spiritual and bodily nature in their primordial whole image are turned to the Creator. Hence such amazing power, such joy, such spiritual fullness of the creations of the ascetics I mentioned. It is wrong to say that there was a transformation of one energy into another, because all of us, both spouses and celibates, are called to fight against sin, to strive for purity of heart.

Spouses, having access to a common bed, gradually introduce family life into the channel of creation and gain freedom from passions. Monks, celibates root out lust, bearing the feat of abstinence in the hope of the grace of Christ. For those who live in abstinence, after long years of asceticism, the flesh withers, ceasing to be a hotbed of sensual desires, but the spirit is miraculously strengthened, becoming a verbal organ that sings of the greatness of God. So, the earthly and passionate cannot be reborn into the heavenly and impassive, no. But one is outlived, and the other is replenished by the grace of the Lord flowing into the heart. I agree that "sublimation" occurs in the graceless experiences of paganism: among Krishnaites, for example, sublimation is evident. While preaching outward asceticism, they lust and fornicate in their hearts. The very image of Krishna, a riotous god who did not disdain carnal pleasures, breathes voluptuousness. Sublimation also occurs in the mystical experiences of Catholic "ascetics", where there is a special cult of attraction to the "Body of Jesus", about which much and frankly has been written. Medieval nuns, revered as saints in the West, are simply obsessed with carnal desire ... It is impossible to read the “revelations” of Teresa of Avila or Catherine of Siena without deep embarrassment.

But in the correct experience of Orthodox living, “the souls are put to death, even on the earth” (see Col. 3, 5), carnal desires are cut off, but the spiritual strength of the individual, the gift of literature flourish miraculously, for, freed from the bonds of the flesh, they acquire wings and erect Christian to moral perfection. Undoubtedly, the field of creativity in a broad sense, the ability to see and embody beauty, ennobles the Christian personality, gives it a sense of inner fullness and protects it from the destructive effects of passions. Yes, of course, not everyone is able to express their thoughts in prose or blank verse, not everyone can paint or sculpt ... However, I will express my innermost thought: “You don’t have to be a poet, you must be a Christian.” A person working on the fulfillment of the Gospel commandments, striving to realize in his life the ideal of Christ's love, touches the realm of creativity in the very feat of living in Christ, drawing sincere and disinterested joy in deeds of mercy, service to loved ones both in word and deed. Facilitating the cross-bearing of his neighbor, the true disciple of Christ himself soars on his cross, and his heart joins those "remote regions" that poets only dreamed of, but rarely knew in their lives.

Father, can I give you any practical advice a celibate person, so that he can bear his loneliness with dignity, not succumbing to despondency, cowardice and other painful thoughts?

If you don't want to feel lonely, O bachelor, if you have a living faith in your heart, take care of building a "red corner" in your home. Let the chosen saints, beloved by you, look at you from the walls: St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, leaning on a staff, the God-wise Rev. Seraphim, mournful, as if looking into the future Princess Olga, who holds the Life-Giving Cross in her hands ... Learn to communicate with invisible bodily eyes, but felt by the soul saints of God, the Guardian Angel, the Most Pure Virgin Mary. Acquire a prayerful spirit - and you will bless and sing of the solitude bestowed on you from above, day and night, even if earlier you were tormented a lot from the consciousness of your "belovedness", your restlessness.

Despite the fact that our conversations concern earthly love and the earthly problems associated with it, I dare to ask you, father Artemy, about heavenly things in addition to earthly things. Monasticism ... 0 hundreds of volumes of patristic writings were written to it, it is called the angelic path, the path of perfect pleasing God. Why, then, is it so firmly rooted in the minds of people - not only worldly, but also completely ecclesiastical - that the belief that people go to the monastery “from the sea”, leave when the search for earthly happiness has failed?

The fates of men are deep rivers and whoever can draw them out in different ways leads the Lord of souls to serve Him. But not only roundabout! It is not “from the contrary” that we are convinced that there is nothing on earth more blessed than serving God. Now in the monasteries - and there are already more than five hundred of them in Russia - there are an abundance of young people, whose serene faces testify to their innocence and purity. I think that in percentage terms there are more inhabitants who have not known the bitterness of worldly pleasures than those who came from a life broken by sin. Since monasticism, which is the union of the human soul with Christ, is a plus, and not a minus, fullness, and not inferiority, then, of course, it remains only for good to envy those who, from books, from communication with pious people, from reflection, are convinced of vanity service to the world and directed his steps to the monastic field. I repeat, human destiny is in the hands of the Lord. Another person, perhaps, had to go through fire, water and copper pipes, go “in all serious ways”, so that the unbearable pain of sin would humble him and help him turn to the light of God.

But it’s not in vain that they say that “they don’t go to the monastery, but they come.” Isn't there a spiritual substitution in such an allegedly pious reasoning: well, marriage didn't work out, so you have to go to a monastery. “Ha you, God, what is worthless to me,” life has become disgusting ... Is it possible with such a dispensation of the soul to try to find solace inside the monastery fence?

It turns out that life's trials, as it were, suggest to a person his true vocation, for the time being not realized by him. If we recall the definition of the Fathers, who called monasticism the angelic path, if we see the essence of monasticism in the feat of prayerful cleansing of the mind and heart, in doing repentance, called “the art of arts”, then, of course, failure in the worldly circles of life does not mean at all that you have matured to enter the monastery.

It seems to me that a person should feel an inner calling to a life of concentrated, attentive, hard work. He must love solitude for the sake of an interview with the One God.

The one who has acquired in his heart “beads of great value”, a living and sighted faith in Christ, can with joy and ease leave behind all worldly lures and delights. Without such inner conviction, inspiration, striving to “work for the Lord”, one who comes to the monastery very easily becomes a slave of the worldly spirit and, in the words Reverend Seraphim Sarovsky, "a burnt firebrand" - that is, a person whose heart is not inflamed by incessant prayer appeal to Christ. The one who enters the monastery because, as you deigned to put it, he is disgusted with life, dooms himself to real torment. If in the world a person did not have a living faith and love for the Lord, then in a monastery he can completely lose his mind.

- Now many people come to monasteries "with a blessing", that is, having received advice from a person who enjoys spiritual authority - and there are now quite a few of them in Russia (such authority is based on genuine or imaginary spirituality, we must speak separately). Sometimes such a blessing happens quite unexpectedly... What if a believing Christian, on the one hand, does not want to go against the elder's advice, in which he sees the expression of God's will, and on the other hand, cannot cope with confusion, depression caused by an unexpected twist of fate?

There are no blessings at all given by unknown and unknown to whom. This subject must be treated with caution. Often a person comes to a priest who is wise and has a certain spiritual authority with confusion of thoughts, uncertainty of feelings and vagueness of intentions. The shepherd gives cautious and unobtrusive advice, which still needs to be tested, weighed, realizing one's own weakness, and then one must draw the final conclusion. Sometimes, however, Orthodox youth are not able to “cross the Rubicon” themselves, to determine which road to take - the angelic or the matrimonial. And a wise, experienced shepherd imparts an impulse to such a soul, which (thanks to the spiritual authority of the priest and the lively childish faith of the questioner) leads the one who has come out of the realm of doubt and gathers his strength for a feat. Of course, this is the beneficent meaning of communication with wise confessors. Sometimes - fortunately, not so often - one hears that the priest traced a path for which a person was in no way ready inwardly.

As a priest, I had to see restless souls who came to the elder without knowing why: for example, accompanying an acquaintance, an acquaintance, as if “for company” they came up for a blessing and ... received something that they didn’t even think about. In such cases, I think, they should not have treated the word of the elder as a directive, not subject to doubt or discussion. For "a slave is not a pilgrim" - grace does not force. The Lord does not impose anything on anyone, but says: "... if you want to be perfect, go, sold your possessions ... and follow Me" (Matthew 19:21). Often dramas and even tragedies: a broken fate, a bitter state, a falling away from the Church - are provoked not so much by advice given by a wise priest, but by the amorphousness, vagueness of intentions, and the light-hearted mood of those who cross the threshold of the senile cell.

I think that a Christian can and should avoid these grave upheavals by going to the elders, whom he reveres, solely with the blessing of the parish pastor, spiritual father, so that the local priest will help to decide: for what, for what purpose am I going to the elder? Are you ready to fulfill the blessing given to me. Have you balanced the scales of your heart in order to submit without anger and doubt to the will of the Lord? For there are quite a few who want to chat among the most, as it seems, well-intentioned public ... If the questioner is truly looking not for “his own”, but for God, then the elder’s advice will serve as his strengthening and affirmation, including on the monastic path.

And how much true monasticism, traversed in the spirit of holiness and prayer, is necessary for pious Christian spouses living in the world! I confess: for my mother and I, visiting the monastery has become an annual need - so even five days spent in the monastery fence give moral strength to difficult pastoral labors throughout the year.

Father, does the monastery exist for pilgrims? No matter how reverently the laity may be - (and this is not always the case), vanity inevitably invades the life of the monastery along with them. The world seems to overtake people who wished to leave the world ... For some reason, some visitors to monasteries remind me of health resorts taking procedures, especially when you come across a “specialist” who knows for sure where “great grace” is, and where “unclean”, who “ old man" and who is "in charms".

Of course, Christians draw genuine spiritual consolation in Orthodox monasteries. But - I'll try to continue the comparison with the resort - "locals", monastic inhabitants, often refer to visitors with irony: sometimes kind, and sometimes bitter ... - A monastery is a monastery and a monk is a strife. Who can argue with the fact that the monasteries have always been quiet havens for the soul and body tormented Christians living in the world? Who can argue with the significance of monasteries as clinics for the human spirit, who does not see in the image of pious and wise monastic pastors spiritual surgeons or therapists who, by the very well-being of their souls, the peace and purity of their hearts, impart strength and the will to live to penitent sinners?

On the other hand, in our age of impoverishment of piety (when the pilgrims themselves often do not understand the difference between pilgrimage and tourism) of the weak brethren, who have barely escaped the bustle of cities in quiet monasteries, the invasion of secular persons is not so much a joy as a burden.

Of course, those who come to the monastery enter it as into a new, unknown and beautiful world, where everything, according to the laity, should flow under the sign of eternity, obey special spiritual and moral laws. That is why even minor errors, mistakes, weaknesses, an accidental expression of gloom on the face of a monastic resident are perceived much more painfully than among the city crowd. Yes, of course, monk to monk is different... In the monasteries we will also meet those pure, whole natures who can say a word of encouragement, enlightenment, enlightenment, and consolation to random and non-random visitors. I am convinced that everyone who has put on black clothes should understand and feel responsibility before the world. “You are the salt of the earth. You are the light of the world” (Matt. 5:13, 14) is said about those who came to the monastery in search of a spiritual treasure, even if it has not yet been found. It is wonderful when a young monk strives to receive and show the monastery in such a way, to tell about its sights and history in such a way that a bright and warm trace remains in the heart of the visitor ... It is important, however, that the hospitable brethren remember the wise word of the elders: and is tempted." The devil will inevitably set snares and traps for a friendly monk, for whom the main thing is, after all, a child's cry before the Lord, which is not very facilitated by rotation among worldly persons.

The patristic writings and the writings of contemporary church authors unanimously speak of impoverishment monastic life in recent times (as well as about the impoverishment of spirituality in general). But, as you have already noted, a somewhat different picture often emerges in the minds of today's Orthodox believers. I mean the perception of monasteries as a special fairy-tale world where earthly angels live, where everything is in the highest degree saving, and any accidentally dropped word is almost a prophecy.

On the contrary, among people far from the Church, another trend is becoming more and more noticeable - along with the revival of monasteries, numerous stories (including the dirtiest ones) about monastic life began to resurrect in the mass consciousness. One can, of course, lament in this regard the general decline in morals and the perversion of the worldview of the modern layman ... But there is no smoke without fire!

To be honest, I see a common cause in these opposing tendencies: monasticism is a very, very special path that only a few can tread and to which (as a high ideal of a pious life) one cannot call everyone in a row. And this is often done in soul-saving literature.

It is no coincidence that Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov), explaining the meaning of the vow of celibacy given in tonsure, emphasizes that this state is supernatural. And natural for a person - and quite saving - is the state of Christian marriage. And the one who, not having the proper strength and disposition for monasticism, takes monastic vows, runs the risk of falling from a supernatural state into a subnatural (fornication) and unnatural (which is “shameful and talk about”) ... Of course, monasticism is a height, ascending to which it is scary lose your balance, for, speaking in words Sermon on the Mount, "the fall will be great." It is no coincidence that the holy Bishop Ignatius Brianchaninov, our wonderful spiritual writer, compares the souls of monastics with hothouse flowers, which are far superior to wild flowers in beauty, size, and fragrance. On the other hand, these pets of greenhouses are much more vulnerable than field cereals and daisies, easily adapting to wind changes, heavy rain or scorching heat.

Of course, something that does not seem like a temptation for a person living in the world - say, a feast attended by people of both sexes - can be a test for a monk who is accustomed to an attentive, sober life. There is a positive example in my memory that I would like to mention.

A certain monk from a remote monastery came to us, almost to the center of Moscow, to the Church of All Saints in Krasnoye Selo... He prayed with concentration and took communion at the Divine Liturgy, standing at the altar, and then was invited to take part in a meal along with the temple clergy and guests. And when we were already sitting at the table, he suddenly saw that young pious female persons were sitting opposite him and next to him ... “Where is Father N.?” - after a while I asked, the abbot, baking about the feast. No one noticed the disappearance of the guest from the meal! Only the priest closest to me said in an undertone: "Father N. is a good monk." He preferred to leave in English, so as not to expose his soul to temptation, the power of which is not so easy to understand for those who move around the world. In this sense, your judgment is correct. As soon as one who has put on monastic robes betrays the promises given in the tonsure, loses sobriety, attention, allows his mind to wander "semo and ovamo", in the old Slavonic expression - expect changes for the worse. I think that if someone aspires to monasticism out of vanity (or, even worse, wanting to “make a career” in the church environment) or was forced, convinced to do so, having essentially no consent and his own will for the bloody and cross monastic feat , then of course, retribution for such will almost inevitably come. And the temptations that a fallen monk sows in the hearts of “these little ones” are just as destructive and contagious as an example of the bad behavior of a priest unworthy of his dignity. We know that some even lose faith when, because of the unworthy deeds of clergy they know, their moral ideal collapses in their eyes.

More than a hundred years ago, St. Ignatius advised his spiritual child, a lady of noble birth, to treat an unfamiliar representative of the clergy with a certain amount of caution, if not suspicion. After all, robes and cassocks still do not make us saints, no matter how much the reverent laity would like to believe in that. Therefore, in our time, when monasteries are growing rapidly and new monasteries are opening, we are called to show both prudence and caution. The parish priest should not now send the future monk to a place unknown to him - but only pass it "from hand to hand", knowing under whose responsibility he entrusts the verbal lamb. I think we should not blame monasticism for those blatant temptations, rumors about which today are savored (always in a perverted form) by the quirky press.

Such is the state of the world lying in evil... And if not everyone today understands why it is criminal to acquaint third-graders with the technique of depravity, then, obviously, among the inhabitants of monasteries we will meet people who are struggling with gross passions, we will meet, perhaps, those who have lost ground and in the middle of the battlefield he threw the sword of prayer and the shield of abstinence ... ... And yet we say: the walls of monastic cloisters, as long as Orthodox faith kept clean, hide sweetness in Eden - that land consecrated by God, which for the attentive and prudent, meek and pure in heart is the threshold of the Kingdom of Heaven.

We honor virginity, combined with humility, and abstinence, observed with honesty and piety, we accept, and we approve of humble seclusion from worldly affairs, and we honor honest marital cohabitation.
Book of Rules of the Holy Apostles

It is easier for a worldly, carnal, or pagan person to ascend to perfection than for a monk who has allowed the first fire of spiritual zeal to cool.
Saint John Cassian

Most of us will not be single for the rest of our lives, so I think that we should look at celibacy as one of life's seasons, as a gift from God. In 1 Corinthians 7:32-33 the Lord shows what the right attitude should be towards celibacy. To paraphrase this passage of Scripture, it might sound something like this:

I want you to live without creating difficulties for yourself. When you are unmarried or unmarried, then you, being free, can devote all your attention to pleasing the Creator. Marriage requires you to be completely dedicated, you must please your spouse, and this requires great attention. The time and energy that spouses spend caring for each other can be used by the celibate to become full-fledged holy vessels of God.

Paul does not say this in order to humiliate the bond of marriage. He speaks about this so that you and I look at celibacy as a special period, as a gift from God. God does not use celibacy to punish us. He created this period of our lives in order to give us the opportunity to grow. We, in turn, should not miss this opportunity.

One man very rightly remarked: “Nothing needs to be done about your celibacy. Take advantage of it!" Stop for a moment and consider whether you are fully using God's gift of celibacy. Ask yourself questions: “Am I focused on pleasing the Creator as much as possible? Am I using this life span to become a fully fledged holy vessel of God? Or is all my energy focused on finding a romantic partner? Maybe I'm throwing away the gift that was given to me by God Himself? Am I cluttering up my life with unnecessary difficulties and worries arising from romantic relationship?»

While we are single, dating not only hinders our preparation for marriage, but sometimes actually robs us of the gift of celibacy. Dates can bind us hand and foot. But God desires at this time to maximize our ability to serve Him. Any season of celibacy (whether you are 16 or 26 years old) is a gift from God. Do not interfere with God, do not waste your life potential on short-term romantic relationships.

DO YOU REALLY TRUST HIM?

The three truths mentioned above may seem rather simple, but what is certain is that they require a person to make serious life changes. To do this, we need to learn to wait. And God calls us to wait. You may not like it very much, but you should understand that by waiting for God's time, we show God our obedience, and this is precisely what the Lord so desires.

Waiting for God's perfect timing requires a person to have complete trust in God. The trust is that He doesn't give us some good gift right now just because He has something much better in store for the future. This belief helps develop patience.

I can sincerely confess that sometimes I find it difficult to trust God. When I think about my personal life, it begins to seem to me that God wants to keep me celibate for life. This thought makes me uneasy. Or I begin to think with fear that if the Lord allows me to marry, He will bring into my life a girl in whom I will not have the slightest interest. I know that all these fears are completely unfounded. Thinking like this, I forget that God loves me very much. But even though I understand that God is good, I often let my lack of faith influence my approach to romantic relationships. I'm afraid that God might forget about me. Instead of trusting Him that He does everything at the perfect time, I often try to control this or that situation on my own. I take the calendar of my life from the Lord and at insane speed begin to write down my own plans. I say: “God, I know that You are omnipotent, but, in my opinion, T lost sight of the fact that this girl is undoubtedly my destiny. If I don't ask her out right now, my future won't make sense." Some time later, I humbly return the calendar to God, saying, “Of course I trust You, Lord, but somehow I thought You might need my help.”

DATES AND ZEFIR

For a long time I remembered a picture from Time magazine: a small child sitting alone in a room, looking at a marshmallow lying on the table. This strange photo reminds me of the feelings I sometimes get when I try to trust God to take care of my personal life.

The topic of the article had nothing to do with dating or even marshmallows. The conversation was about a scientific study conducted among children. Below are a few paragraphs:

It turns out that scientists can predict what a child will be like in the future by observing how he behaves when he is offered an ordinary marshmallow. The researcher takes turns inviting several four-year-olds into the room. This is where the "torment" begins. He tells the children, "You can eat this marshmallow right now, but if you wait until I go to work, then when I get back, you can eat not one but two marshmallows." After that, the scientist leaves the room.

Some children grab marshmallows at the same second. Others wait several minutes before giving in to temptation. And others are going to wait. They close their eyes, put their hands on their heads, sing to themselves, try to play some game, and even fall asleep. When the explorer returns, the child receives a hard-earned marshmallow!

When kids reach high school age, something remarkable happens. The observations of teachers and parents show that those who, at the age of four, found the strength to wait to get a second marshmallow, growing up, become very confident, courageous, with pronounced inclinations of a leader and personal responsibility. Children who are quick to succumb to temptation tend to be lonely as teenagers. They are quite stubborn, often upset and afraid of difficulties.

Of course, the moral of this story is that in the development of character it is very important to develop the ability to refrain and wait, starting with some minor situations. And when it comes to something much more significant, then this skill will grow into success. The four-year-olds who took part in the experiment did not know this. They didn't resist the urge to eat marshmallows because it would one day help them get good grades in school. They overcame this desire because they had faith. They clearly imagined the moment when a nice guy in a white coat would come into the room and give them two marshmallows instead of one. They endured because they knew how to trust.

This story is very supportive. Sometimes, when I'm waiting for God's perfect timing as I contemplate my personal life, I struggle with the same feelings that children struggled with when they hoped for a second marshmallow. Romantic relationships attract me in the same way that an airy tender marshmallow attracts a four-year-old baby.

Why don't I get my hands on what I want so badly? Why don't you do the same? But God has promised us something much better! He is ready to give us everything we need right now if we take advantage of the unique benefits of the gift of celibacy. He will take care of our needs and desires in the future when we get married. The most important thing is that we believe in it. Like those little children, we are in a room where we have something in front of us that can give us pleasure right now. But we will not be able to see the reward that awaits us in the future if we do not now decide to wait.

It all comes down to one question: Do you trust God? Just don't answer like you're in Sunday school. No memorized phrases needed. Do you really trust Him? Do you believe that by denying you something good now because it's just not time yet, the Lord will give you something better when His perfect time comes?

Jim and Elizabeth Elliot faced this issue in their time. They loved each other very much, but God's will was above all for them. In her book Passion and Purity, Elizabeth Elliot writes:

We put all our plans into the hands of God. His plan was beyond anything we could imagine. We could be compared to acorns that grow on an oak tree. The acorn does what it was made to do. At the same time, he does not torment his Creator with the questions “Where?”, “How?” and why?". God gave us reason, will and desires. However, He wants us to trust Him. We are given a chance to trust Him when He tells us: "If a person leaves his "I" for Me, he will find his true self."

When will I get it? - we often ask. - How will I get it?

And He answers:

Just trust Me.

Why should I give up my "I"? we insist.

And God answers:

Look at the acorn and trust Me.

GOD KNOWS BEST

Many people realize too late that contentment is not the destination we all need to get to. Contentment is a state of our mind. In 1 Timothy 6:6 Paul says: "Great Acquisition- be pious and content." And in Philippians 4:11: “...I I learned to be content with what I have…” What is Paul's secret?

The apostle shared this secret with us: “I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me”(Phil. 4:13). Paul trusted God to give him the strength to endure all difficulties. In the same way, we can find contentment by trusting the Lord that His power and grace will help us under any circumstances. Married or single, loved or single, but the key to a state of contentment is one - trust. Believe it or not, if we are unhappy with celibacy, then most likely we will not be happy when God gives us a spouse. If we try to fit the acquisition of happiness into some kind of time frame, most likely we will not wait for it. We are constantly looking forward to tomorrow. If we let impatience control us, we will miss the reality of the present. Having waited for the moment that seemed so promising to us, we will understand that we have not found happiness and satisfaction.

A woman wrote me a letter complaining about the misconception that many people think that a single woman lives only by counting the days until the arrival of a long-awaited man in her life. "Poor lonely woman! she went on. “The world wants her to fornicate. The church wants her to get married. What about what Paul writes about the gift of celibacy?”

William Booth, founder of The Salvation Army, wrote: “Don't let anyone tell your girls that marriage should be their most important goal in life. If you allow this to happen, then don't be surprised when they find themselves engaged to the first empty worthless fools that come under their arm.

Men and women should only marry when they feel that this is the will of God for their lives.

Book author John Fisher, as a single young man, said, “God has called me to live today, not four years from now. He wants me to fulfill my potential in the present, enjoying what I have. It seems to me that any person who constantly thinks about marriage (or marriage) will definitely achieve what he wants. But then he will be disappointed and want to return to where he started. Such a person will ask himself, “Why didn’t I take advantage of the time when I didn’t have many responsibilities? Why didn't I fully serve the Lord? Why didn't I give myself to God?"

Instead of striving to get married or get married just because of our impatience, let's start wisely using the potential of celibacy. Then we will not remember with regret those years when we were not bound by marriage. Celibacy is a gift. Let us gladly accept it, taking advantage of all the opportunities that it provides us. We need to start trusting the Lord, seeking His Kingdom, His righteousness with all our hearts, allowing God to make plans for our lives.

In this earthly life, we cannot fully understand all that the Lord does. But we know for sure that His perfect time will eventually come. In a poem called "Once Upon a Time," May Riley Smith beautifully expresses God's view of events on earth that will one day become clear to us:

The hour is coming when the lessons of life will pass,

And the stars in eternity will take their places

All that was reproached,

And what they mourned in tears,

From the life of darkness suddenly flare up before us, As the dawn is brighter, the darker the sky.

And we will see how God's plans were right

And how His love appeared at the right time.

The weary heart finds rest

Like a lily flower, God will reveal his plan.

No need to push the leaves with your hands -

Time itself will show us the treasure.

And having worked hard, if we reach the earth,

In which, taking off our shoes, we will give rest to our feet.

We will see clearly and comprehend with our mind,

And we say: Lord, You knew all the best!

Do you believe that God knows much more than we do? He knows what is better and more useful for you and me. If you believe this, then lay the calendar of your life at His feet, let Him schedule all your relationships. Trust Him, even if you have to not go on dates, although everyone around you expects this from you. When God is confident that you are ready for a committed relationship, He will bring the right person into your life.

“For I alone know the intentions I have for you, says the Lord, intentions for good and not for evil, to give you a future and hope.”(Jer. 29:11).

Let's live for today God's Kingdom by placing all the cares of tomorrow in His hands. There are no other hands that could hold our future so securely. We just need to trust God!

DIRECTION OF PURITY

HOW TO START ON THE WAY OF RIGHTEOUSNESS

When I was in high school, I happened to attend a conference where the topic of sexual purity was discussed. During one of the meetings, the pastor asked all students to fill in anonymous cards. On these cards we had to write how far we had gone in our sexual relationship. To help us with the evaluation, the pastor introduced us to a special scoring scale. Each level had its own score. Number one was short kisses, number ten was sexual intercourse. The pastor asked us to write on the card the number of the level we reached.

Putting my card in the basket, I went out into the corridor. Two more young men came out of the room with me. I will never forget the conversation that took place between them. Laughing, one of them said that he reached the eighth level and crossed the line of the ninth. Then these guys began to tell each other about which of the girls they reached this or that sexual level with.

FLIRTING WITH THE DARKNESS

These young people are a prime example of how distorted our understanding of innocence and purity is. We place too little value on cleanliness and begin to strive for it too late. Even talking about the importance of cleanliness, we are hypocritical, because our actions are at odds with words.

Do we want our relationships to be pure? We say yes. But do we confirm this with our lives? Unfortunately, not always. "Make me clean," Augustine prayed, "but not now." Like him, we often feel our conscience calling out to us, but despite this, our lives do not change. If we were honest with ourselves, then most of us would have to admit that we are not at all interested in purity and innocence. Quite the opposite, we are content with minimum requirements that allow most time in dubious frontier gray areas where we flirt with darkness. We can never muster the courage to take a step and enter the zone of righteous light.

Like many other Christians, two of my friends misunderstood purity and impurity as two extremes with a clear line drawn between them. If they do not cross this line and do not reach "to the end", then everything is in order with cleanliness. In fact, true purity is a direction. It is a stubborn, persistent pursuit of righteousness. A person first acquires such a direction in his heart. Then he sticks to this direction, trying never to compromise with his principles.

STEP BY STEP

If we really want to live in purity, we cannot afford to stray from the path of righteousness even for a moment. The story from the life of King David is an example of how dangerous such a moment can be. Few stories in the Bible fill me with such apprehensions as the story of David falling into sin with Bathsheba. If the righteous David was able to commit the sin of adultery and murder, then who else is immune from such temptations?

Few men of God have experienced the intimacy with the Lord that David knew. As a shepherd, and then as the king of God's people, he wrote psalms in which he sang and glorified his Creator. These psalms continue to support and inspire Christians to this day. David enjoyed his fellowship with God, he worshiped Him, trusted Him, rejoiced in Him. The Lord Himself said of David: I have found a man after my own heart...(Acts 13:22).

How could such a man fall so low? How could he allow sin and impurity into his heart?

He took small steps towards it.

David's fall was not the result of a single jump. Like any journey to the land of sin, David's road to iniquity began with subtle steps away from God.

The beginning of the fall of the king was the moment when he was walking on the roof of his palace. During this time, all the kings led their troops into battle, but it was in this year that David decided not to lead his army in hostilities. Instead, he decided to stay at home. Perhaps his decision was not so important. Many excuses could be found for this, but the fact remains that David was not where he should have been. He was not on the battlefield where God's people fought.

Was it a sin? You can't even call it a clear sin. But one thing is certain - David has deviated some distance from God's perfect plan.

Many people consider idleness to be the workshop of the devil. This is what happened in David's life. The energy that he was supposed to use in the war was eager to break out. Not knowing what to do, David walked along the palace roof. Suddenly he noticed a bathing woman. Instead of turning away, he gave in to the urge. This was the next step. Why did he keep watching? He had seen a naked female body before, as he had several wives. But now he wanted something that did not belong to him. Sin crept into his heart in the form of a thought. Instead of giving up on the thought, he succumbed to it.

If you are like most people, then you have probably experienced a similar situation. Considering all the pros and cons, you are inevitably faced with a choice. Will you stay within God's boundaries, or will you leave them?

At this point, David could stop and stop his path to the fall. However, instead, his hesitant steps turned into a run. He let lust take over. The king gave in to his unclean thoughts, sent for Bathsheba, and committed adultery.

So the innocent shepherd became an adulterer.

Then there were complications. Bathsheba told David that she was pregnant. Her husband had not been home for a long time, which meant that he could not be the father of the child. No doubt her husband, and then all the people of Israel, would have known what happened between Bathsheba and David. In a panic, David decided to cover up the traces of his sin, but all his attempts were unsuccessful. Fearing a scandal, David signed a letter that stipulated the death of Bathsheba's husband, one of the king's most loyal commanders.

Now the psalmist has become a murderer.

So how did David, who came after the heart of the Lord Himself, become an adulterer and a murderer? When did he cross the line of purity? The moment he kissed Bathsheba, or the moment he touched her? Did it happen while he was watching the woman bathe? Why didn't he take his eyes off her? When did cleanliness end? When did sin begin?

As you can see, a person cannot fall into impurity overnight. This happens when a person stops looking at God. Often, when it comes to romantic relationships, impurity begins long before passionate moments in the back seat of a car. Impurity originates in our hearts, in our thoughts, desires.

“But I tell you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart,” says Jesus (Matthew 5:28).

Sin begins in the mind and heart of man.

We must understand that purity is a thirst for righteousness. If we begin to view purity as a clear line separating sin and righteousness, what will keep us from trying to approach the dangerous boundary? If sex is that trait, then what is the difference between an innocent hug and intercourse? If that boundary is a kiss, then what's the difference between a kiss on the cheek and fifteen minutes of passionate lip fusion?

If we truly desire cleanliness, then we need to look to God and begin to move on the path in His direction. We cannot strive for righteousness and, at the same time, look for that line where righteousness borders on sin. Purity is removed from sin and compromise.

HEART AND PATH

If we want to have purity in our lives, we need to understand that it does not come to us by itself. To do this, you must constantly go to her on the path of righteousness. The book of Proverbs tells us that if we are hungry for righteousness and purity, then we need the help of the heart and feet.

In Proverbs, the symbol of the tempting spirit of impurity and compromise is the harlot. The Bible warns us: “Because she has cast down many wounded, and many mighty ones have been slain by her…”(Prov. 7:26). Although these words were written by King Solomon hundreds of years ago, this "woman" continues to tempt people today. Innocent victims fall into her traps. She promises pleasure, but she herself longs only for the person to be destroyed. She ruined many lives with her tricks.

For a long time she crippled the righteous. The Bible tells us: "Her house is the way to the underworld, descending into the inner dwellings of death"(Prov. 7:27). No matter how good the victims of impurity may be, no matter how holy they may have been in the past, going to the house of a harlot, they embark on the path of death. Have you ever lost your way while traveling on the motorway? Did you miss your turn and then realize that you now have many miles to go before you reach a traffic intersection where you can turn and get back on the right road? If this happened to you, then you are sure to know the feeling of annoyance that a person experiences when he makes a mistake. When driving on a motorway, you cannot slow down, you cannot immediately turn back. You can only drive while continuing to move away from your destination. Many Christians experience similar feelings as they begin to get in touch with the physical side of a romantic relationship. They would like to stop, but sinful passion leads them further and further away from the will of God.

How can we avoid confrontation with the spirit of fornication? How can we not cross the boundaries of purity? And here is the answer: “Let not your heart turn away in her way, do not wander in the paths her..." (Prov. 7:25).

In order to live in purity before God, a "fellowship" of heart and feet is necessary. The path of purity begins deep within a person, and movement along it must be supported by your practical daily decisions. Only you can decide where, when and with whom you spend time. Many young couples make the decision to keep themselves clean, but instead of living that way, they continue to maintain a relationship that pushes them towards physical intimacy. In doing so, they put themselves in danger. The path your feet tread should never go against the convictions of your heart.

CLEANING IN ACTION

If we want purity, then we need to fight for it. This means that we must change our views and change our lifestyle accordingly. The points listed below can help you walk the path of purity.

In this chapter, I would like to address those who have already crossed the border of adulthood, but have not yet entered into marriage. It is not my intention to give advice to those who are single or single and content with their position, because they know that this is the will of God for them. They are sure that this is the best for them, because in this way they can better serve God. God bless you if you fall into this category!

Perhaps you would prefer to get married and want to have a family, but for various reasons you voluntarily decided not to take this step yet, because you are not yet ready for married life or simply do not see a suitable candidate.

Our small church has a fairly high percentage of unmarried and unmarried people. For some, this is not a problem, they are sure that this is the will of God and even the gift of God. But for others, the absence of a family is a great burden; such people would prefer to marry. They feel disadvantaged, and consider their life inferior.

One day we were discussing the issue of marriage and celibacy in our Bible study group. Each participant was given the opportunity to express their opinion. Those who had families approved of those who were not married. Some of the bachelors testified of how God had blessed them and done great things through them, partly because they had no family. Others tried to convince themselves and those around them that they were satisfied with their situation, however, in fact, they still felt that they were not completely satisfied with their lives. Then Anna-Maria, a girl in her thirties, an intelligent, attractive and sincere Christian, spoke with her usual candor: “I am very happy for those of you who are satisfied with your bachelor life, but as for me, I would rather have a family . I would like to get married, but I decided not to, at least not now. You see, the Lord just didn't send me a suitable husband to marry. And I prefer to remain unmarried rather than marry the first person who comes across without God's will.

The calm frankness of the sister served as a good example for all those present. This girl had special standards, God's standards, and she was willing to build her life up to those standards, even if it meant staying unmarried for the rest of her life. She realized that living according to God's will and God's standards can sometimes mean making difficult choices.

The apostle Paul calls both marriage and celibacy God's gifts. Surely, few of us would question his words if the Apostle called only marriage a gift. But when it comes to celibacy and it is spoken of as a gift, many of us tend to respond with the words of the same biblical author: “It is more blessed to give than to receive!”

Celibacy is a gift that no one wants to accept and would gladly give to another. Nevertheless, the fact remains that life outside of marriage is a gift from God.

Speaking about gifts in general, it is important to remember that the better the person who prepared the gift knows you, the more likely it is that he will give exactly what you most need. I remember how many times on my birthday, having received a gift from a person who did not know me very well, I found a very beautiful, but completely impractical gift in the package. I was given books in unknown languages, clothes that didn't fit, and so on.

I am sure that you also had to receive such gifts. The person had only good intentions and the gift itself is excellent, but intended for someone else. If the person who gave you the gift doesn't know you well enough, then the gift is likely to be inappropriate.

But our God always knows what is best for us. The Psalmist (139:1-4) writes: "God! You have tested me and you know... You understand my thoughts from afar... and all my ways are known to You. There is still no word in my language - You, Lord, already know it completely.. God, who knows us so well, is much more interested in giving us good gifts than our best friends or even relatives. Heavenly Father wants the best for His children, not just mediocrity.

Speaking of the gift of celibacy and the gift of marriage, let us try to sincerely thank the Lord, no matter what our situation may be and no matter how difficult and incomprehensible it may seem to us.

James 1:17 says: “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning”. And Ephesians 2 speaks of the gift of salvation: “For it is by grace that you have been saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God; not by works, so that no one can boast.”

God gives gifts and we receive them. It's about the gift eternal life, the gifts of the Holy Spirit that we use in Christian ministry, and the gifts of celibacy and marriage. It may not be the gift you would choose for yourself. However, remember that it is not our business to choose the gifts. Do we really believe this? If so, then in our lives there should be no place for preliminary plans, intrigues, deceit, undertaken in order to find a spouse. If marriage is God's gift, then God has the right to give it just at the time He wants.

It is customary for people of this world to make plans for the future, engage in intrigues, spend time, money and energy trying to find a spouse. How many times it happened that I was asked: “What do you expect from God? Do you want your wife to fall from the sky for you? » At that time on thisI answered the question with silence, but today, looking back at the past, I can say with confidence: “Yes!”.

This is not to say that we should walk around with our eyes closed and blindly grope for our path in life. No! But we should also not completely indulge in thoughts about how to find a spouse. Sometimes it seems that some people are constantly engaged in hunting, in which the game is a creature of the opposite sex. As Christians, we should not focus solely on marriage. The alleged, potential object of marriage should not become the reason for moving to another place of residence, changing jobs, or some other actions.

Be honest and tell me how many times when you were young did you go to a church or youth meeting where you were most interested in the guys or girls you hoped to meet there? We used to call it communication, but are we kidding ourselves? After all, sometimes we come there, first of all, because of someone who can become a potential object for a future marriage.

If marriage and celibacy are gifts from God, as the Bible says, then we should treat them as gifts. But how often do young people plan their lives in relation to their marriage even before marriage, that is, before they receive this gift from God! They go to church thinking about marriage, talk about marriage, plan and make assumptions. This is a tragic mistake, dear friends! In addition, it is a waste of precious time and energy. Don't make plans for marriage. Face the facts. It is possible that you will never get married or never get married!

Throughout the history of the church, there have been misconceptions about celibacy. Some teach that celibacy is an oddity, a whim, an unworthy position. It is possible that such an opinion is not always expressed in words, but the common attitude of people towards the unmarried or unmarried speaks louder than any words. Others, on the contrary, believe that celibacy itself has a special spiritual value and dignity. That, they say, those who remain celibate are more spiritual than family people. According to Jesus, both of these views are wrong. Jesus Christ taught that celibacy is a gift from God. And if it is from God, then it cannot be an oddity, but on the other hand, if it is a gift, then it cannot be a sign of special dignity. We cannot earn the gift of God. We can just accept it!

In Matthew 19, Jesus points out the factors that determine celibacy. “There are eunuchs who were born from the womb of their mother in this way; and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs from men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven. Who can accommodate, let him accommodate.

Three groups of people are listed here. First, Jesus says that celibacy may be inevitable due to innate circumstances. "There are eunuchs who were born like this." The word "eunuch" means a castrated person. But Christ uses the word in a broader sense. He includes in this concept those who, for whatever reason, find it impossible or imprudent to marry. There are those who, due to this or that physical defect or because of mental retardation, cannot enter into marriage. These people are not forgotten by God, and they have a place in God's plan.

Secondly, "there are eunuchs who are castrated from people." Such cases were not uncommon in the history of the Roman Empire. These are those who were physically castrated - slaves (eunuchs) or priests at the temple. But there are other circumstances that cause celibacy - accidents, long prison terms, etc. Those who have never received an offer for marriage can also be included in this category. And God did not bypass these people with His care.

The third group consists of those who have chosen celibacy. These are "eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven." There are people who choose not to get married out of devotion to the service of the Lord.

In certain types of ministry, married life is a help and a support. But there are also areas in the ministry when it is better not to marry. Without a doubt, celibacy is a normal way of life. But from the last words of Jesus it is clear that not everyone can have this gift. The Lord says, "Whoever can bear this, let him bear it."

If you belong to one of these three categories, do not grumble, do not complain, and do not harden. Accept this fact as God's special gift to you.

As you learn to live day by day relying on God's grace, you will begin to experience a freedom that was completely unknown before, the existence of which you did not even dream of. You will be free to form normal and healthy relationships with people of all ages and will not feel the need to impress anyone. You will be free, you will be people who correspond to God's plan, and you will be able to accept with gratitude the gifts that the Lord wants to give you.

In modern society, young people are under constant pressure from friends and family around them, who, in the best of intentions, believe that they need to get married. This constant prodding causes Christian youth to resort to vicious ways, which can never be in accordance with the will of God.

The Word of God tells us to be wise and know what the will of God is. When a person is in love, it is difficult to think clearly and be objective about God's will for his life. One must begin to seek the will of God before love comes; if you are in love, your heart can deceive you. Keeping in mind that you can only fall in love with someone you know, be wise in your choice of friends.

What are God's standards we should keep in mind, for example, when choosing a husband? Although the guy usually makes the proposal, the girl has the right to agree or reject his proposal. And there can be no marriage without the consent of the woman, so both parties are involved in making this decision. You can never begin to make excuses that, they say, "he made me decide to take this step." So, what should be the person you would agree to marry?

Look for a slender, swarthy young man an athletic physique is not enough. Immersed in everyday life family life you will find that these qualities are short-lived. Appearance says very little about how this or that young person can be a good husband. Look deeper, not at his appearance, but take into account, first of all, his heart. For example, here are a few questions you could ask yourself:

Can we say that he is a person with an honest and good character?

What is his relationship to Jesus Christ?

Is he active in the church?

Does he show kindness and consideration to others?

Does he only talk about himself?

Does he show interest in your needs and interests?

Is he able to control his physical attraction to you?

Does he respect your views and beliefs?

Does he treat you with tenderness and respect?

Is he ready to love you the way Christ loves the Church?

It would be very helpful to ask yourself these questions.

God makes high demands on husbands, and wives should do the same. Don't let yourself fall for the lure of rationalism that "there is no ideal husbands". Trust that when God sends you a person of His choice, he or she will be perfect for you. Don't settle for anything less than the very best God has prepared for you.

But how do you know who is God's chosen one for you? The spouse chosen by God must be not only a believer, which is certainly important, but also a spiritually growing Christian, a God-fearing person, and not just a self-described or currently available candidate.

It is possible that for some time you will have to live in celibacy, simply because of the lack of a God-fearing person who can become your life partner. Even among the most deeply religious people there are men and women living in celibacy. And this is not because there were no people who wanted to marry them, but simply because they had not yet met a truly God-fearing and suitable spouse.

It is God's will that we should be God-fearing people first and foremost, not married or married. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all this will be added to you”(Matthew 6:33).

It is also the will of God that we do not limit God with time. It is not our job to tell God when He should make His plans in our lives. After all, an expensive gold watch is a great gift for an adult, but it is unlikely that it will suit a four-year-old child. The gift is good, but the timing is wrong, so it becomes useless.

This principle also applies to God's gifts. Dear friends, we too often get into trouble by trying to appropriate a gift before we are able to properly use it. There is nothing wrong with marriage, it is a good gift, and God not only established it, but also approved it. But we must allow the Lord Himself to present good gifts at His appointed time. You don't need to set deadlines like 23 is the best time to get married. Do not say: “Before I turn 24, I will definitely get married!” It is possible that you actually get married, because anyone can get married! But you will make an irreparable mistake if you do not wait for the manifestation of God's choice and God's appointed time.

Dear readers, if any of you are single or unmarried, then here are some tips that would be nice for you to take into account.

First, consider that every person needs good companionship, we all need real friends. If a person does not have a family of his own, this does not mean that he should avoid fellowship with brothers and sisters in faith in order to get married or get married. We must enjoycommunicating with each other regardless of our marital status, providing help and support to everyone who needs it.

Secondly, do not forget that marriage is built on the already formed characters of both spouses. A successful or unsuccessful marriage is not determined by the culinary skills of the wife or the amount of earnings of the husband. A happy marriage is accompanied by such qualities as generosity, the manifestation of mutual attention and trust in married life. Therefore, it would be a good idea to develop these qualities even before marriage. God doesn't have different standards - one for marriage and one for celibacy. In all cases, we must reflect in ourselves the image of Christ.

In today's society, marriage is the norm. So it is ordained by God. Gen. 1:27-28: “And God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them: Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.” God Himself brought the wife to Adam. Adam wasn't looking for a mate. God took care of the first family.

In life, the search for a couple is fruitless. Lonely people often suffer from a feeling of inferiority, inferiority. In society, and often in the church, one can find a mockingly dismissive attitude towards bachelors and unmarried people.
. This only reinforces their sense of disadvantaged, abandoned and forgotten.

Let's agree that the programs of church work are mainly aimed at those who already have a couple and children. Family people seem to be sitting at one large table, at which there is no place for the lonely. Loners remain without "spiritual bread" - hungry and deprived. They often hear: “If you are single, then you should start a family!” Church preachers actively call: "It is not good for a man to be alone!" The loner beats against the wall of general misunderstanding.

Let's ask ourselves a question, what if a person honestly tried to start a family, prayed for a long time, but did not receive what he asked from God? What if his prayer is not years, but decades? What to do? Agree with society and church leaders? Recognize yourself as inferior?

If we open the Bible, we will have to give up the idea that loneliness pushes a person to a secondary position. The apostle Paul even welcomed celibacy: “For I desire that all men be like me; but each one has his own gift from God, one in this way, the other in another way” (1 Cor. 7:7). The apostle did not insist, he gave advice, emphasizing that this was his opinion, and not a command from the Lord. He speaks of a "gift from God", explaining that everyone has their own: someone is married, and someone is celibate. And this, undoubtedly, is a state from God, and not from Satan. Why does Paul talk about the practicality of celibacy? He sees many difficulties in marriage.

It was the time of the strongest persecution of the Church. A married man could have great sorrows because of the oppression of his family. Paul calls such circumstances “sorrows according to the flesh,” and of those who fall into them he says “I pity you.” What Paul said applies not only to married girls, but to married women in general. So, the sorrows of marriage are the first difficulty.

The Apostle Paul, like many other Christians, believed that he was living in "the last time." The last Old Testament prophecies are coming true! Christ is about to come! Therefore, married people should stay like that, and not get divorced. Lonely is better to be without a partner. For “the image of this world is passing away” (1 Cor. 7:31).

In other words, “time is running out” and “the world in its current form is leaving forever” (“Letters of the Apostle Paul”, translated by V.N. Kuznetsova, M., 1998)

And one more thing: the married and the married seek, first of all, to please their spouse, and not the Lord. You can agree or disagree with this, but the Bible says so: “But I want you to be without worries. The unmarried cares about the Lord's things, how to please the Lord; but a married man is concerned about the things of the world, how to please his wife. There is a difference between a married woman and a virgin: an unmarried woman cares about the Lord's things, how to please the Lord, in order to be holy both in body and spirit; but the married woman takes care of the things of the world, how to please her husband” (1 Cor. 7:32-34).

In the understanding of the Apostle Paul, the married and the married take care of the "worldly", that is, the temporal and vain. And "the image of this world is passing away"! Paul wanted Christians to be more pleasing to God and not be distracted from service. Distraction from ministry is the second difficulty in marriage.

A parallel thought is found in 2 Timothy 2:4: “No warrior binds himself with the affairs of this world to please the captain of the army. But if anyone struggles, he will not be crowned if he struggles unlawfully.” Indeed, a warrior on a campaign almost does not think about family and everyday affairs, but about how to please his commander. Every Christian is called to please God, and therefore must take care not of the "worldly", but of the Lord's service. This is Paul's argument. It can be called practical rather than theological.

It follows from the foregoing that Paul did not think of loneliness as a lower state compared to marriage. The Lord Himself was not married. Pavel was without a wife. The apostle knew the advantages of such a position. Certain practical considerations, tested by experience, played a role in his defense of celibacy.

It is necessary to mention a little about the call to solitude. How do I know if I have it or not? We must admit that here we know too little. This is the sphere of personal, very subtle relationship between man and God. The pastor can only encourage the ward to seek and know his gift through prayer. There should probably be approval and encouragement for the practice of the gift of solitude from the side of the church community.

It is clear that loneliness should not become an act of coercion. Paul did not want to force the bonds of loneliness on anyone. There must be a special response from the Lord, confirming the call to loneliness. A man devoted to loneliness is firm in his heart. He is in full control of his senses and can abstain from sexual activity for a long time. “But if they cannot abstain, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to be inflamed” (1 Cor. 7:9). It follows from the context that this apostolic injunction applies primarily to those who have already been married, that is, to widowers and widows. They are not virgins. Undoubtedly, for them the problem of sexual abstinence can be essential in solving the marriage issue. It is much more difficult for them to avoid sexual intimacy.

I would not insist that a person who is called to loneliness is completely instantly freed by God from sexual desire. We cannot "commit" God to this. If God calls a person to loneliness, then gradually frees him from the desires of the body. The Holy Spirit gives such a called one, along with the gift of solitude, a certain power of continence.

It becomes clear that a single person is not a second-class person in the church community. He shouldn't feel like this for a minute. He has the opportunity to serve God much more effectively than a married man. According to my observations, the greatest grief among singles arises due to the following reasons:

They are instilled with the idea that their situation is flawed and abnormal. Pagan stereotypes of behavior are instilled in a person today. There are such clichés: “If you are alone, then this is an abnormal state. Look for a mate at any cost!" IN modern world there is no pity for the lonely. The vocation of a person is not taken into account! In such a cycle of opinions, he quickly loses all orientation. What comes out of it? Called to loneliness falls into the abyss of immorality - easy connections without love and without real unity. Marriage is seen as a deliverance from abnormality. Sometimes, running away from loneliness, a person enters into unnatural relationships: a man with a man, a woman with a woman. They do not want to feel inferior to others! Getting rid of loneliness is achieved at any cost! But ... marriage cannot be seen as an escape from loneliness!

More terrible than loneliness is complete loneliness in marriage! The sorrows of marriage can surpass the sorrows of loneliness. So, the main reason for the sorrows of lonely believers is an unbiblical understanding of this issue brought in from outside.

The second reason is the lack of practical ministry. I often see elderly single women sitting in a nursing home and looking wistfully out the windows. They are dying of boredom because no one else needs them. It is said that stagnant water dies. Interestingly, the apostle Paul writes about the benefits of solitude only in conjunction with service. Without service, loneliness is painful. It looks like heaven's punishment. The pastor should offer the lonely not a couple, but a ministry! After all, it is giving to the Lord, and not the search for a beloved, that makes a person blessed.

So, there is loneliness from God, it is not a detrimental, but a blessed state. You can give yourself more completely to Christ and receive the best crown from His hands. There is loneliness from circumstances. And even in this case do not grieve and give up. “Will not God protect His chosen ones who cry out to Him day and night?”

What conclusions can be drawn?
The church is open to both families and singles.
Heaven is open to families and singles alike.
My friends! In whatever condition someone is, thank God for him! Blessed is He Who sends both loneliness and family life!